Why I Do What I Do

Over the years a lot of people have asked me common questions:

1) Why do you do what you do?
2) Why are you so hard on guys?


It wasn't that long ago when boys learned how to be real men from their fathers, uncles, and older brothers. They grew up and in turn taught their sons (as well as be a good example for their daughters). 90% of men who come to dating coaches and forums for help is due to the fact that they didn't have a strong Father or father figure.  Same can be said for women who have problems with relationships; they never had a solid Father to serve as an example of who they should choose as a boyfriend or husband.

We now live in a society where boys don't have anyone to pass down the basic wisdom of life that used to be passed down from generation to generation.

I'm very fortunate to have a strong, dedicated, and wonderful Father who taught me integrity, hard work and how to be a good person. I had a mother who loved me unconditionally and supported me no matter what. Yet despite that foundation, I still at times fell victim to the male-bashing, feminist-driven culture I grew up under. So for boys who didn't have my foundation, it is certainly not hard to see why we have lost 3 generations of men.

I've always been taught that if you get to a position in life where you're fortunate enough to be able to help others that you do so. And you do so not for accolades or praise, but because it's part of a bigger karma. I'm paraphrasing this but my Father taught me that the person you help today may end up saving your life or the life of someone you love tomorrow.

I'm hard on some these guys because they've grown up in a world where they've been cuddled; so a gentle approach will rarely work, though at times that is necessary depending on the person or situation.  However, most of the time it doesn't shock them out of their comfort zones. For nearly all of them, meeting me is the first time they have heard the cold hard truth.

Children today are growing up in homes that are broken; mentally and emotionally destructive.  Some grow up fearful of everything, while others lash out and hurt others and/or themselves; all of them are stunted, entitled, narcissistic, and ill prepared for life.  The only solution is with men being strong leaders and Fathers again, who can teach the value of integrity, strength, and goodness.  It is truly our responsibility.

Starfish

“Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said,  "It made a difference for that one.” 

― Loren Eiseley

There's this girl...

Whenever I receive an email or read a forum post that begins with, "So I have this situation and there's this girl...", I don't bother reading the many paragraphs following that sentence.  Every guy thinks his situation is so very unique, when the reality is he is just like every other Weak Guy that has carried a ton of Myths around with him most of his life.

He is simply Desperate and all the little details that he thinks are important are actually completely useless.  Of course he will know every nice word she has ever said to him, how many minutes since the last text, exactly which Tuesday she said something that possibly could indicate that maybe she might be thinking of going out with him one day in the not-so-distant or distant future.

So this post is to answer all the questions that a guy would have in a situation of this nature.  They are as follows:

Answer #1: No.
Answer #2: Definitely No.
Answer #3: Hell No.

The chart below will help facilitate why this problem is so common today and it has nothing to do with the girl in question and everything to do with how the guy is simply chock full of Fears.

Click on chart below for a larger view:

Online Dating

One of the most common questions that men ask is, "Should I try online dating?"  Everyone knows a friend's cousin's sister's co-worker's niece who found true love on Match.com and therefore it must work!

Many moons ago when online dating first started and Match.com was the only game in town, I told men right away that online dating is a complete waste of time and energy. Same with speed dating in any form (which also gained popularity around that time) or any quirky dating events that is design to get people together. My reasoning back then in 1995 is the same reason I'll share today:

People (especially men) come to online dating as a final front tier...almost as a last resort. When boys and girls are growing up, they don't think, "Gosh, one day I hope my profile will match perfectly with another profile and our profile photos will lock eyes".

Online dating is for people who haven't had much success out in the real world....a "I guess I have nothing to lose" mentality. Now, generally speaking if someone doesn't have success in real life, there is something wrong with them. For women its most likely physical (hence why so many fake or old photos online) and/or a drama-filled life that chases men away. For men we've outlined the various reasons why here on this blog: Fear and Common Myths.

So men will resort to online dating because they somehow think women will fall in love with their personality. Of course what is really happening is they're avoiding working on being able to conversate with women, display attractive qualities, dress better, workout, overcome fear, understand how to lead and seduce, etc. etc. Now EVEN IF....EVEN IF....they can somehow hook a woman via email and go on a date or two....guess what happens when they meet in person? ALL that stuff that the guy hasn't work on will still kill it for him.

Same with women; they think if a man falls for her personality, that when they meet, maybe her being 50 lbs. overweight won't matter. Well you guys tell me....does it matter?  Of course it does, so why do you think a woman will overlook all the shortcomings that you haven't worked on just because she met you online?

So all online dating does is delay the inevitable; even if you could buy a little time, all the stuff that you haven't worked on, that forced you into online dating in the first place, will still come back to bite you when you meet in person. The best example I now use is that show on NBC called, "The Voice".

For those who have never watched the show, the concept is simple: 4 superstar coaches sits in a chair and it's turned away from the stage. The coaches don't see the artist but only hear their voice. If they like what they hear, they hit a button which turn their chairs and the artists gets selected. The idea is that looks don't matter...only your voice does.

But here is the problem - there comes a time when after the coaches narrows down their team, that America votes and then eventually a champion is crowned. The Voice has been on for 4 seasons now and nearly every one of the top 20 contestants in each season are all attractive. No one is fat, no one is dorky, everyone has a unique style.

The point is, all those other people who complained that they never got a shot because the music industry cares about their looks and not just their voice believed that the show The Voice is different. It's only different for a brief time...all it does is delay the inevitable. Once the buying public sees them, they won't get enough votes to stay on the show and they'll go back to obscurity, which supports the reason why record companies never gave them a shot to begin with because they knew these artists wouldn't have a big enough general appeal.

In dating...in business...in entertainment...in life - everything matters. And when you think you've found a short cut to avoid the pain of improving yourself, it's simply fool's gold and all you're doing is delaying the inevitable.

General rule of thumb: If you're successful at online dating, then most likely you won't need it. If you need it, then most likely you won't be successful at it.

The Metz Family: Why My Kids Are NOT the Center of My World

This is hands down one of the best posts and articles I have read....anywhere.  If more boys were raised by a mother like this and in a 2 parent household, you wouldn't need blogs like mine.


The Metz Family: Why My Kids Are NOT the Center of My World: Wait, what did she say?  Yeah, you read that right.  This blog post is a bit of a rant and it's a bit all over the place.  My kids ar...

The Age Excuse

It never fails to amaze me how many excuses men come up with to explain why they aren't successful at life, especially their dating life.  This will be the first in a series of posts discussing all the various and bullshit excuses lonely, bitter men conjure up in their mind.

The Age Excuse

The 49 year old man says he can't meet beautiful women because he's too old and younger women only want young, vibrant men. He wishes he was younger.

The 39 year man says he can't meet beautiful women because all the women he wants are married or has a boyfriend. He wishes he didn't have to work all the time in an office.

The 29 year old man says he can't meet beautiful women because women around his age want an older, more financially establish man. He wishes he was in college again so he could do it differently.

The 19 year old man says he can't meet beautiful women because all women in college are immature and only wants to party. He wishes he was older, working and making money so he can meet more mature women.

Meanwhile other men who are between the ages of 15-75 are meeting, dating, and having sex with women. But of course, THOSE men must just be "lucky".

Sharing vs Oversharing

I've seen and heard the same complaint hundreds of times; women sharing their horrible date stories because men cannot seem to keep their emotions in check and their mouth shut on the first couple of dates.  They think spilling their guts is being "honest" or "vulnerable". 

This is a terrific article on achieving that simple balance between Sharing vs Oversharing.

Why Men Aren't Attracted To You

My blog here focuses mainly on the ills that affect men.  While I have a few posts that attempt to help women understand why their relationships are suffering, there are certainly other authors and blogs that do a much better and thorough job.

For women it is rare when men are not sexually attracted to them. The only group of women who have a hard time with this are the ones who have let themselves go physically (ie: overweight and/or dresses like a PE teacher all the time). The more common challenge for women is finding the type of man that will want to commit to a relationship.  The next few links below will help you understand why you're having such a difficult time finding a happy and healthy relationship.

There is a site that is the opposite of mine in that it focuses mainly on women's challenges and once in a while touches upon men's issues.  The site is called, "The Rules Revisited".  The author, Andrew, presents many well written articles that are geared towards "de-brain washing" women that have been raised under attraction-killing, feminist dogma.  He clearly explains why you've continually sabatoged your own chances for passionate and fulfilling romantic relationships. His post titled, "Misconceptions", does a good job of listing the basic misconceptions that causes a lot of confusion for women today.

In a separate website this article, "Why Some Women Aren't Wife Material", briefly breaks down some of the main reasons why a man can be with a woman for many years and not ask her to marry him, but will turn around and ask his next girlfriend within a matter of months. 

As a woman today you're probably not used to hearing how you've gone about dating all wrong.  The women who I've witnessed have the most drama filled relationships or no relationships at all, are the first to yell "sexist" or "misogynist" whenever they read any advice that suggests they're not relationship material to most men.

So, if you're a woman who is dead set on being militant then you are welcome to continue being alone or unhappy.  However, if you're a woman who truly wants to be married to a great husband and build a life and family full of love and happiness, then the following 2 books are all you really need to understand what you've been doing wrong:

1. "Why You Aren't Married....Yet" by Tracy McMillan
2. "Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others" by John Molloy

Here is a reader testimony from the 2nd book.  I can't tell you how often I've heard this type of regret from women today. 

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A slap in the face and a wake up call

i wanted to read this book after it was made fun of recently at a magazine for feminists and women who generally agree that there are a lot of things to life than getting a man. being alone for so long and not being able to pinpoint exactly why, it picked my curiosity. i read it and i've lost track of how many times this book has made me cry. it was all right there how i sabotaged my own life against having a mate. now that it's easier for me to be kidnapped by terrorists than to find a man i realize (with the help of this book) all that i did wrong: the long years spent studying while my friends were out partying and getting boyfriends, the dead end jobs where there were no available men, the long hours working odd shifts, the occasional unavailable man (mr. right now), the "a little too-casual" appearance, waiting for the one that got away to come back (he never will), the many requirements that no man seemed to fulfill... i'm alone with no prospects of getting married and it's all my fault.
sister, i don't want to sound like if you don't have a man you're a loser but i'm telling you: my money and my graduate degree don't keep me warm on saturday nights. eventually your friends are married with kids and you find yourself making every night a blockbuster night with your cats. even my gynecologist told me to hurry up if i wanted to have babies. it's probably too late for me but save yourself. find balance in your life. if you want to get married in your thirties you have to start looking hard for prospects when you are in your late twenties because you'll be amazed when one day you open your eyes and realize that all men seem to have poof! dissapeared. i wish i had read this ten years ago. oh, all this coming from a "feminist"... somebody who was very proud of her "independence". a feminist that is very educated and very lonely...

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We Have Lost Our Way

Street side memorial for the 20 children of Sandy Hook Elementary

"Destroy the family, you destroy the country."
~ Vladimir Llyich Lenin, 1st Leader of the Soviet Union


We have lost our way.  The United States of America have been going down a terrible road for quite some time.  A great nation like ours hardly ever gets taken over from external forces; it almost always implodes from the inside. 

The mindless horrors from the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting is just the latest symptom of a much deeper problem our country is facing; we have created a nation that is eroding from the inside out.

America is a very young country.  We are the equivalent of an adolescent and like an adolescent, we think we know better than everyone else that have come before us.  But we do not.  We may be more advanced in technology, agriculture, and human rights, but we have lost our way when it comes to human nature.

We have lost our humanity as a nation.  This is why Eastern philosophy, such as Buddhism and the Yin/Yang concept, that are thousands of years old are now finally making their way into our field of psychology and therapy.  The solutions to the problems that we have created for ourselves have already been answered by much wiser nations thousands of years ago.

We are an adolescent that refused to listen; we thought we knew better and our children and citizens have paid the price.

1) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that appropriately spanking our children is "abuse" instead of discipline.

2) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that we need to be our children's "friend".  We stopped being parents.  We stopped guiding and teaching with wisdom and love.

3) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that we cannot let our children go through anything difficult; that we need to give them only praise.  As a result they grew to be adults who possessed no tools to deal with any adversity or hardships.

4) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that we should give our children anything they wanted.  As a result they grew up to be adults who feel they are entitled to happiness and success instead of working for it.

5) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that we needed to focus on materialism.  We thought that throwing toys, video games, mobile devices, clothes, and cars would make up for our lack of love, time, and devotion to our children.

6) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that we didn't need Fathers.

7) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that men were stupid, incapable, shallow, evil, rapists, and that all problems of the world were caused by them.  This is what boys of the last 30 years heard while growing up.  As a result they grew up to be fearful men, weak boyfriends, overwhelmed husbands, and absentee fathers.

8) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that being a loving and giving woman was negative.  We convinced ourselves that feminine traits were weak; that honoring your husband was a form of "oppression" and that a woman needed to be just like a man.  So women de-valued themselves sexually, behaved like men, and suppressed their natural, beautiful feminine qualities. As a result women moved from one unhealthy relationship to the next, often times dragging their children through instability and misery.

9) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves to celebrate single motherhood instead of teaching our young women how to avoid it.

10) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that it's perfectly fine to have reality television and it's "stars" raise our children.  As a result we have a generation of young adults who are self-centered, disrespectful, drama-ridden, and unable to take responsibility for their own problems.

11) Somewhere along the way, we told ourselves that men and women shouldn't have roles. This created a nation of confused, frustrated, and resentful husbands and wives.  As a result we have very few healthy and strong marriages.  Once that core broke down, our ability to be good parents also collapsed.

12) Somewhere along the way family values became "old", "backwards", and "conservative" instead of simply "values". 

13) Somewhere along the way being "tolerant" meant only being tolerant of anything that is deviant.  As a result, if you wanted to hold true to family values that have been passed down through the centuries, you were labeled as "uneducated" or a "hateful".

14) Somewhere along the way we became so "open minded" that our brains collectively fell out.

15) Somewhere along the way we started to care more about the criminals' rights than the victims' rights.  As result the criminals were given media headlines and notoriety, which in turn created more copy cats because it is far better for them to die an evil monster than a loser nobody.

16) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves we needed to save everyone. That everyone, no matter how disturbed and how many times they broke the law, deserved endless chances. As a result thousands upon thousands of innocent people have lost their lives needlessly because criminals were allowed to continue to walk among good citizens.

17) Somewhere along the way we lost our common sense and allowed war machines to be easily accessible because we didn't want to "intrude on anyone's rights".

18) Somewhere along the way we become terrified of "offending" everyone and every group. As a result we became too paralyzed with fear to do what was right because it was too hard. 

America is the young, rich, spoiled adolescent that no one could discipline.  We are not "progressive".  We are not "enlightened". We are currently in the "dark ages".  We are a lost nation and we have done it to ourselves.

Changing our current environment starts with each of us individually. Are we paralyzed with fear? Do we simply go along with what is trendy and what is politically correct? Or do we have the courage to stand up for what is right...what has always been right...and live our life by a standard that is higher than what is acceptable today?

Do you have the emotional fortitude to withstand the criticisms? Do you have the mental strength to handle the ridicule? If you do not, then you will pass on those weaknesses to your children. 

Our only salvation is that we raise our children, not under the current modern day principles, but under the time tested values that have come before us.  We need to look back to the past if we have any hope of a promising future. 

26 Acts of Kindness

- Charlotte Bacon, 2/22/06, female
- Daniel Barden, 9/25/05, male
- Rachel Davino, 7/17/83, female.
- Olivia Engel, 7/18/06, female
- Josephine Gay, 12/11/05, female
- Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 04/04/06, female
- Dylan Hockley, 3/8/06, male
- Dawn Hochsprung, 06/28/65, female
- Madeleine F. Hsu, 7/10/06, female
- Catherine V. Hubbard, 6/08/06, female
- Chase Kowalski, 10/31/05, male
- Jesse Lewis, 6/30/06, male
- James Mattioli , 3/22/06, male
- Grace McDonnell, 12/04/05, female
- Anne Marie Murphy, 07/25/60, female
- Emilie Parker, 5/12/06, female
- Jack Pinto, 5/06/06, male
- Noah Pozner, 11/20/06, male
- Caroline Previdi, 9/07/06, female
- Jessica Rekos, 5/10/06, female
- Avielle Richman, 10/17/06, female
- Lauren Rousseau, 6/1982, female
- Mary Sherlach, 2/11/56, female
- Victoria Soto, 11/04/85, female
- Benjamin Wheeler, 9/12/06, male
- Allison N. Wyatt, 7/03/06, female

"If you do good, you'll feel good"
~ Ann Curry

On the morning of December 14, 2012, an evil monster walked into an elementary school and sprayed bullets at children and teachers.  20 children died, all between the ages of 6-7 years old.  6 adults also died in the unspeakable tragedy.

There are so many things wrong with America.  We didn't get here overnight. 

Ann Curry proposed this 26 Acts of Kindness Campaign.  I urge everyone reading this blog to take time out from thinking of your own problems to help someone else. 

You may think your life sucks.  You may feel lonely.  You may feel hurt.  You may feel angry. But I assure you there is some one that you see every day that is worse off.  Reach out and focus on something beyond yourself.

For those of you who don't have any children or children in your lives, you may not fully appreciate just how evil this is.  You may not understand the inhumane amount of pain this is for the parents and families of these children.

Whatever your situation is in life, take this campaign and do 26 Acts of Kindness for a friend, a family member, or a stranger.  The opposite of love isn't hate...it's indifference.

Please don't sit on the sidelines and be indifferent.  You have no idea if your small act of kindness can change someone's life for the better.

26 Acts of Kindness Campaign

The Love of a Woman

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
~ Lao Tzu, 6th Century BCE


Love is not a construct of "society".  It is not a meaningless chemical in your brain. It is not a system designed to oppress women. It is not an institution forged to surpress men. 

It is never old.  It is never new.  It is a constant regardless of how much we think we know and how much we think we've changed.  It is independent of technology, of social movements, or political decrees.  It doesn't change with the changing of the times.

Love is as real and powerful as any of our other human emotions; often times even more so. Love is not a "nice to have". It is essential to our emotional, mental, and physical health. 

Family, friends, interesting hobbies, and a good career are not suitable substitutes for romantic and sexual love.

On this forum I rarely discuss loving, long term relationships because the men that this blog is geared towards are not ready.  They are too desperate, evoke too much fear, and are generally not attractive to women.

Nevertheless it is important to remember why we spend so much time undoing the "male brain washing" and why it is so vital for men to get back to their natural roles as strong, dominant leaders.
 
There are very few things on this planet that is as satisfying than receiving the unyielding love from an amazing, beautiful woman.  It trumps sleeping with multiple women, 3-somes, being "the man" at a club, showing off to your friends, or any other archetype that men generally try to strive for.

When you can put your Trust in a woman wholeheartedly, you find out what real strength truly is.  When you live your life for someone else and stop living only for yourself, then you truly understand why men and women are put on this Earth together.  Men and women need each other.  There is no such thing as 100% happiness being alone.  That is simply a defensive mechanism people project onto each other after years of frustration in the dating world.

Achieving this level of intimacy is hard for men today because they aren't the type of man that will attract women who possess awesome character traits.  They draw the high maintenance and high drama women.  They get jerked around and eventually develop a hatred for women. 

No matter what you do as a man, you will never know how high your strength can fly till you feel the enormous love of a woman.  No matter where you go as a man, you will never know how deep your courage can flow till you return that love, not out of scarcity.....but out of choice.

Every day you don't face your fears and every day you make excuses is another day where your window to find true happiness closes. When you meet your Soul Mate, will you be ready to be hers? 

Strategies That Will Ensure Your Failures - Solutions

In a previous post titled, "Strategies That Will Ensure Your Failure", we outlined the most common techniques men use that all but ensure they spend years running in a hampster wheel when trying to improve their dating life.  This post will offer some suggestions on how to get off that wheel.

Re-read that post and be extremely and brutally honest with yourself as to which strategy you fall into.  You may fall into more than one of those areas and if so then you should read the recommendations for each one.


Mindset Centric Strategy

"Theory without practice leads to an empty idealism, and action without philosophical reflection leads to mindless activism".
~ Elias & Merriam

For those that fall into the Mindset Centric problem, you are one of the many men who suffer from mental masturabation.  Here is your task list:

1) Stop talking about what you think should be done; that includes dating forums, emailing other guys, or just sitting around and talking about it.

2) Set a goal to start a conversation with 2 new women per day for 90 days.  You know MORE than enough to start a conversation.  It's now time to put it into action. Whatever you've read, whatever you think you know, I promise you that when you start actually talking to women it will be nothing like how you think it is.  Don't make excuses.  I assure you that in 90 days you will find that the reality of talking to women is very much different than what you've read or whatever DVD you've watched.

3) Pick a new wardrobe style.  Whatever your style is now, it is most likely boring and drab. Pick up a GQ magazine, Esquire magazine, and/or this Style Guide.  Start dressing like an interesting man.  Clothes are important. Don't argue. Get over it.

4) Find one hobby or sport that forces you to be around other people.  Public speaking is a great way to get you out of your shell.  Join a club that will force you to stand up and give presentations.  Join a team that will force you to work with other guys and develope a comaraderie. These are things that men grew up learning how to do.  Somewhere along the way you missed out on these things and this is one of the reasons why you are so lacking in social intelligence.

5) Twice a month plan a happy hour and/or arrange for a group of people to go out to dinner.  Start to create events and be the host instead of sitting around and wait to be invited.  At this point in your life, no one is going to invite you because you don't have anything positive to offer to the social interaction yet.

6) Stop reading dating forums, dating articles and anything dating related.  Read books and magazines that have nothing to do with dating.  Preferrably read things that are pop culture based. Chances are you aren't very in tune with what is mainstream and you have very little to talk to people about that are fun, light hearted, and sparks immediate conversation. 

7) You're never going to be "ready".  Leave your comfort zone and do what your fearful, pansy voice in your head tells you that you cannot.  In a year after you've had consistent real world experience, only then go back and read anything dating based.  You will see things completely differently.


Approach Centric Strategy

"Theory without practice leads to an empty idealism, and action without philosophical reflection leads to mindless activism".
~ Elias & Merriam

For those that fall into the Approach Centric problem, you talk to a lot of women but never analyze or learn from your mistakes.  Here is your task list:

1) Stop trying to fit your interactions with women into a specific "school" or "theory".  There is no such thing as one dating system out there that has all the answers.  Stop being a fan boy and instead be a renassiance man who learns from everything and everyone. 

2) If you don't know what to say, then create some pre-determined talking points so you have a basis to launch interesting conversations. Not knowing what to say should never be an excuse.

3) If you vomit at the mouth pouring your feelings out, then shut up and be more mysterious.  Stop answering every question as if you're on trial.

4) If you don't express your sexuality enough and/or you're ashamed of it, then make your intentions known early and boldly. 

5) If you're already too touchy, feely then lean back and show some constraint. 

6) Learn from your mistakes.  Stop being just an approach machine and having no regard to the quality of your interactions. Stop trying to get to the "number close".  That's not success.  All you're collecting are flakes.

7) If you're approaching a lot of women and getting very little dates or sex, then chances are you're giving off a very safe, non-threatening, non-sexual energy.  You create no mystery, challenge, or sexual tension.  Start talking to groups of women instead of seeking out women sitting by themselves.  Right now you have no social value to women, that's why you're getting rejected.  They don't feel any need to compete for your attention.

8) Pick a new wardrobe style. Whatever your style is now, it is most likely very "safe" with no edge to it at all. Pick up a GQ magazine, Esquire magazine, and/or this Style Guide. Start dressing like an interesting man. Clothes are important. Don't argue. Get over it.

9) Find one hobby or sport that forces you to be around other people. Public speaking is a great way to get you out of your shell. Join a club that will force you to stand up and give presentations. Join a team that will force you to work with other guys and develope a comaraderie. These are things that men grew up learning how to do. Somewhere along the way you missed out on these things and this is one of the reasons why you are so lacking in social intelligence.

10) Twice a month plan a happy hour and/or arrange for a group of people to go out to dinner.  Your social life is probably lacking quite a bit.  You have nothing interesting to talk to women about after you get past the first 2-3 minutes.  Start to hang around different types of people to expand your social circle.  The best way to do this is to be a host and show people a good time.

11) Start to calibrate your interactions.  Stop repeating what doesn't work.  Women dream about being approached well by an interesting and attractive man.  What you're doing now is admirable but you're a nuiance.  You're not giving a woman a fun, challenging, and exciting journey. You're just an interview machine asking women questions they've been asked thousands of times by other guys.


Lifestyle Centric Strategy

"Don't be a walking checkbook".
~ Me

For those that fall into the Lifestyle Centric problem, most areas of your life is good and you have a lot of interesting things to share, however, women still aren't sexually attracted to you. 

If your lifestyle is good but you're still working very hard to get the type of women you want and desire, then chances are you're hiding behind your career and hobbies. While on paper you seem like a man that women would love to date, once they get to know you they find out how little self worth you really have. You don't lead a relationship. You're just there to "woo her" and not much else.

Here is your task list:

1) You grew up thinking that you have to be buy women's affection.  Stop throwing money at women to earn their time and affection.

2) Stop bragging about what you do or what you have.

3) Find men who are successful with women.  Observe how they behave around women.  Talk to them about how they think about women.  I assure you it will be very different than how you think.

4) Read the following posts:

Nice Guys Always Finish Last
Why Women Are Attracted To Assholes
Common Myths
Fear

5) You're angry that even after you've "done so well" in life that women still don't want you.  You feel entitled to beautiful women.  Yes...you've done well in life but you've neglected your most important task as a man and that is to learn how to lead women in a relationship; not to lead with your money, but with your courage, integrity, and standards in life.  Things that you can't buy and that can't be taken away from you. When you put yourself beneath women by feeling as if you're worthless if you're not throwing around your wealth, then you're not a leader, you're a servant.


If you're failing with women in your life, chances are you fall into one or more of the above categories.  Whichever category you fall into, it is important to balance the various parts of your life.  Most importantly, your fears (whatever they may be) are bleeding out of your pores whenever you interact with women.  It is that unattractive aura that women instinctively pick up on that is causing you to experience so much frustration.  You can't run from them.  They always catch up to you.

Stop being stubborn and start taking an honest account of your mental and emotional inventory.  One of the most attractive traits a man can possess is his ability to have the humility to admit when something isn't working and the courage to make the necessary changes.

Irony and Hypocrisy

One thing that unattractive men and unattractive women have in common is their complete and utter blindness to their own hypocrisies. 

Click on the chart below for a larger view:

Asking a woman out on a date

This is actually one of the easiest and simplest thing that men should be able to do.  Yet, out of all the questions posed by clueless, fearful men this one gets probably asked the most.

So since some men like to mentally masturbate through their dating life, which ironically leads to more actual masturbation....here is a nice, technical flowchart to answer one of the most often asked questions.

Click on the chart below for a larger view:

Trust

*Chances are, if you're reading this article, then you might want to read this first: Knowing When To Walk Away and then ask yourself honestly if your girlfriend or wife is displaying any of the behaviors listed there.

The word "Trust" is often misused when it comes to men and women dynamics. Most experts will tell you that trust is the cornerstone of a good relationship but they rarely address what conditions need to be present before that trust can and should be given.  People trust their partners all the time and get burned.  I think those people will tell you that simply giving your trust to someone has very little to do with the actual outcome of your relationship. 

The purpose of this post is to identify when a man can fully trust a woman. 

As a man, how do you know when to trust a woman? “Trust” meaning to make a commitment to her and know that she will have your best interest at heart when she makes decisions. 

A man needs to have standards; women won’t respect you if you don’t. However, no one can tell you what those exact standards are as this is something only you can build through experience in dating.  You have to know what kind of woman you want to share your life with long term.

Whatever standards you choose to live by, if you want to trust that a woman will do right by you and your relationship, I believe it must be comprise of the following 3 criteria:

Character: A woman’s character is by far the most important of the 3 criteria, although this is the one area that is discussed the least. If a woman doesn’t have good character, the other 2 points below won’t matter. What you consider “good character” may slightly differ depending on your upbringing but I think for the most part we can all agree on the following:

a. Loyal

b. Supportive

c. Doesn't constantly seek attention from men

d. Considerate and thinks about your needs before her own

e. Loving and sweet natured

f. Family oriented

g. Empathetic and Sympathetic

h. Not materialistic

i. Demonstrates a sound set of morals and values

If you have a woman that embodies these characteristics then you have a very good foundation with which to build a healthy and loving relationship.  While there may be other character traits that are important to you, these are the minimum ones that are necessary before you can consider trusting a woman fully.


Happiness: This is the area that most therapist, counselors, and every article on the web likes to focus on. The general consensus is that if a woman is emotionally, mentally, and physically happy in your relationship then she won’t want to put herself in a position to have an affair.  That assumption is only partly true as it also depends heavily on her character and morals.

Criteria for happiness may differ slightly from woman to woman depending on her expectations but I believe that in general the following aspects are necessary for a woman to feel satisfied in her relationship:

a. She respects you and looks to you as the leader of the relationship.

b. You make her feel loved and protected.

c. Your sex life together is active and exciting.

d. You don’t get complacent and let yourself go physically or in the way you present yourself when you’re out in public.

e. You don’t let the relationship become boring. You still "date" her.

f. You don’t let yourself become boring. You are still constantly learning new things, taking up new hobbies, and improving yourself in general

g. You still stay attractive to women in general which makes her proud that she is with you.

h. You are a rock in the storm. You know when to just listen and when to step in and take care of a problem.

In other words you ask yourself from time to time, "If I met her today, would she still want to date me?"

Women will always have something to complain about in a relationship, even if deep down inside they know they are very lucky. They need something to bring to the table when they get together with their girlfriends for dinner. It’s really like a sport to them! But in general if the above areas are fulfilled, a woman won’t do anything to put her relationship in jeopardy.


Circumstance:  This is the area that most men will focus on the most. Circumstance is essentially opportunity. The following are the most common factors that have no place in a respectful, healthy relationship:

a. She spends a lot of time one-on-one time with male colleagues/friends.

b. She goes to clubs/bars and dresses and behaves as if she is still single.

c. She takes girls' weekend trips to places that are known for hooking up such as Vegas or Miami.

d. She keeps in contact with her ex-boyfriends.

If you allow her to consistently put herself in these circumstances, then it will be no surprise that eventually she'll cheat on you.  It's not about morals or ethics at this point, it's about human nature.  As the old saying goes, "If you hang out a barber shop long enough, you'll eventually get a haircut". 

However, while it's easy to focus on just "Circumstances", it is a common mistake to not take the previous 2 factors into consideration.  If you only focus on this area it can end up causing other issues in your relationship.  You cannot get into a mindset where you won't allow her to go anywhere or do anything without you.  If you do then it will cause her to feel distrusted, accused, unappreciated, and will create a resentment that will be equally as damaging to your relationship. 

Part of happiness for a woman is that she feels valued and bonded with her partner.  If she is constantly under a microscope then you'll end up pushing her away from your relationship, which of course defeats the entire purpose of having standards.


Scenarios

Here are 3 of the more common scenarios where the advice, "You just have to trust her" has zero impact or usefulness:

1. Bad Character, Happy In The Relationship, Controlled Circumstances

This scenario happens to a lot of men who are desperate and will take whoever comes along; unfortunately often times this involves women with bad character. The women in this scenario will usually be one of the 4 types of women who will date nice guys. In this situation a man will bend over backwards to make sure she is happy. He'll do pretty much anything she wants in order to keep her in the relationship. He'll also be very vigilant in where she goes, but that won't make a difference because women of bad character will always find a way to get involved with other men.

In this case, all the advice in the world about making sure your woman is "happy in the relationship" won't make a bit of difference.

 
2. Good Character, Not Happy In The Relationship, Seeking Circumstances

This scenario is probably the most unfortunate because it started off on the right path with the man choosing wisely.  In all likelihood, this relationship should have been able to go the distance.

This is also the most common scenario as it is easy for men to start taking women for granted, getting complacent, and in general stop paying attention to the health of the relationship.

If a woman is unhappy she will gradually put herself in situations that will lead to affairs. If she has good character then it'll take awhile but no human being can stay miserable indefinitely. This is when the common workplace affairs happen or she starts to talk to an ex-boyfriend because she is so unhappy in her relationship.  This is also when a lot of emotional affairs on social media can occur. She is consciously or subconsciously looking to feel wanted, loved, and alive.

In this case the man is so blind that he won't even notice that she is drifting away because he hasn't been paying attention for a long time, which was the root cause of this scenario in the first place.  This is the only scenario where the many articles in women's magazines and on the web have any validity; if she is happy then she won't stray on you.

3. Good Character, Happy In The Relationship, Opportunistic Circumstances

This scenario is the easiest of the three.  You've got a great woman and she's happy.  Now you just have to have the courage to draw fair and appropriate boundaries.  Unfortunately men today are afraid to put their foot down and stand up for themselves.  Men are taught to put their own needs and self worth aside and are made to feel bad if they draw a line in the sand.  They are told they are jealous, controlling, and insecure.  So therefore they suffer silently and let their wife or girlfriend put themselves in situations where infidelity can easily happen.

A woman with good character won't seek out to have an affair on purpose, especially if she is happy. The affair will always start off innocently enough and often times you'll hear women explain that "they didn't mean for it to happen".  Most women today were raised in a time when behaving as if you're single while still enjoying the benefits of a stable and loving relationship is the norm. This doesn't mean that all women are cold hearted users, as a lot of angry, frustrated men like to say.  In fact, I believe a lot women have very good character but they also have developed very bad habits.

In this case it is very important that you establish boundaries that you feel are respectful for you and your relationship.  You have the right to say, "I don't feel what you're doing is appropriate and I won't tolerate this type of behavior in a relationship".  If you've picked a woman with good character and you've done your part in making sure she is happy in the relationship, she'll clearly see that you are trying to proactively keep the health of your relationship strong.

If a woman cannot abide by fair and reasonable standards of behavior then either you shouldn't be with her or she most likely falls under the first scenario above.


I'll be the first to admit that being involved in this field for as long as I have and seeing some of the atrocities that people do to one another has negatively affected my own ability to trust completely.  However, I will now be the first to tell you that it is vital to the bond of your relationship that you have a healthy amount of "Trust" for each other.

Summary

- If you want to have healthy, loving, long term relationships you must first and foremost pick women who possess good character.  You don't have anything if you don't have that. 

- It is your responsibility to ensure that she is loved, protected, and happy in your relationship.  Don't get lazy.  

- You must have a standard of behavior that you believe in and that you share with her. Don't be afraid to stand up for your boundaries.

If you have these ideals in place, then you can fully trust that no matter what challenges life brings to your relationship, she will stand by you and with you through it all.

Staying Attractive In Long Term Relationships

"If you met her today, would she still date you?"

This blog focuses a lot on helping men be able to interact and date women in an attractive way. Eventually most men want to be in a relationship with the right woman, hopefully their Soulmate. They work on shedding their Nice Guy ways, they learn to understand that their Desperations are based on unrealistic Fears and they start to approach women, risk rejection, go on dates, and in doing so they will eventually get into a serious relationship. So one of the questions I get without fail is “Now that I’m in a relationship, how do I still stay challenging, interesting, and attractive?”

Here is some context to the question:

Men who are brain washed with the nice, pansy guy mentality have always put women on pedestals. They’ll fear talking to women, they won’t know what to say, and most of them are either lonely and/or always in the dreaded Friend Zone. Once they learn how to overhaul their entire mentality and become strong, dominant men they find that they have options with women that they never had before.

Unfortunately, due to their lack of experience with dating for most of their lives growing up, they didn’t have many opportunities to be in actual relationships. So they lack real life context in how a relationship is supposed to be. But through this improvement process, they do quickly learn that having other women in their lives, having a sense of mystery, having interesting hobbies, a cool lifestyle, being challenging, and maintaining a level of control over your emotions is highly attractive to women universally.

However, when you’re in a long term relationship, once you get to know the person, a lot of the mystery, intrigue and general surface-level attraction enigmas slowly disappear. This is normal and obviously cannot be avoided. So men ask the question, “Now that I’m in a relationship, how do I still stay challenging, interesting, and attractive?”

Men usually ask the question because they still do not understand the core concept of attraction when it comes to women. They only understand it from a surface level point of view. They still see being attractive as a “trick” or some sort of ploy. They still don’t understand that deep, core-level attraction and respect is about the type of man you are. Yes, all the things that you’ve learned that women are naturally attracted to are true, but emotionally healthy women don’t enter a serious relationship with you based on those surface attraction traits, they are in a relationship with you because they love you for the man that you are and continue to be.

Another very popular question I get that relates directly to this is, “When can I stop ‘playing the game’ now that I’m in a relationship?”  Some men ask this out of not understanding attraction (similar to the first question above) and others ask it out of laziness.

Let me ask you this...

When is it alright for your girlfriend or wife to gain 50lbs? (pregnancy not withstanding)

When would it be alright for her to be in sweats all the time and stop wearing sexy lingerie?

When would it be alright for her to stop dressing up for you and wearing make up for a night out on the town?

When would it be alright for her to stop being loving and supportive of you?

When can she stop doing all those things, be fat, and for you to still love her and want to build a life with her like the way you do now?

The answer is of course, "Never". There is never a time she can let herself go and stop being the woman you fell in love with because that is her responsibility. For her to do so would be disrespectful to you and her conveying that she has now taken you and your love for granted.  If she were to do some or all of those things above, your attraction for her and ultimately your love will definitely diminish.

So if it is never alright for a woman to let herself go physically or emotionally, which are the source of your attraction for her, then why would it be alright for you to let yourself go?

You will always need to stay attractive, even if its not in the same way that you do when you first started dating. Here are ways that you still maintain your attractiveness throughout your relationship:

1) If a woman stays physically attractive, she will ALWAYS have choices in men. Whether she exercises that or not is irrelevant but she knows the options are there. Obviously if you want to have a healthy relationship, picking up other women is not the way to go. But it doesn’t mean that you let your attractive traits become stagnant. It doesn’t mean that you don’t keep up your clothing style, your fitness, and your ability to be able to converse with women.  

A woman will always care about how people (especially other women) view their man, just like how you'll always care how her body looks.  It is your responsibility to still be attractive to women in general so that your woman will be proud to be with you.

2) It is your responsibility to stay interesting. Read and learn about new things. Pick one thing per year and try to learn and get good at it. Don’t be stagnant and do nothing but watch sports and play video games.

3) If you have a passion, get better at it. If you don’t, then definitely find one. When you’re in a long term relationship it is highly important that you have at least one passion that has nothing to do with women. Your woman cannot be the only center of your world. You have to have something else that you love that you are passionate about. If you don’t know it, then try different things in your community till you find it.

4) Don’t stop dating your wife or girlfriend. Go out and be social so that she still gets reminded from time to time why she is with you. Don’t be the wallflower guy who sits in the corner and taps away on his phone.

5) Treat your wife as you would a mistress.  If that sounds foreign to you, then I highly recommend reading "Kosher Sex" by Shmuley Boteach.

The most important question you have to ask yourself every 6 months is, “If she met me today, would she still want to date me?”

In other words, if you met your girlfriend or wife today, would you still have the attitude, lifestyle, and skill to interact with her in such a way that makes her want to go on a date with you? If the answer is no, then you’ve let yourself go and you’re doing your relationship a disservice. Being in a relationship does not mean you stop improving and evolving as a man.  Contrary to popular belief you're not "done". If you adopt this mentality, then not only do you not have to worry about your woman losing attraction for you, she’ll love you even more because every day you will solidify her decision in joining her life with yours.

Strategies That Will Ensure Your Failures

Men today spend a lot of time, energy, and money in an attempt to be able to date beautiful women.  As a result it is very common for men to be in a constant search for that silver bullet or that one BEST STRATEGY that will unlock the mysteries of dating women.  We have said time and time again that there is no such thing.

With over a decade of coaching men through this nice guy epidemic, I have found that most men deploy 1 of 3 strategies that will all but ensure their continued struggles with women.  Before we get into the strategies, I would like to first offer some definitions:

Mindset

• Understanding women's attraction processes and psychology
• Removing the "nice guy" brain washing
• Removing your shame in what you want as a man
• Removing your limiting beliefs about yourself
• Overcoming your irrational fears and anxieties about women
• Developing true self worth and self esteem

Approach

• Good body language when talking to women
• Good facial expression when talking to women
• Good tonality when talking to women
• Having interesting, challenging, and entertaining topics of conversations
• Knowing how to talk to a group of women (2 or more)
• Good social awareness on saying the right thing at the right time (calibration)
• Knowing when to physically escalate
• Knowing how to have a normal conversation
• Being genuinely interested in what a woman is sharing with you during a conversation

  Lifestyle

• Dressing well
• Being physically fit
• Having interesting hobbies
• Getting a good education
• Having a good career
• Having financial security
• Having good friends
• Knowledgeable about fun places to go in his city/town
• Well traveled or interested in traveling
• Well read

3 Common Strategies
Men are most likely going to deploy 1 of the 3 strategies below.  Each strategy will offer a different type of negative result(s).

A man deploying a "Mindset Centric" strategy will display the following factors:

1. Analysis Paralysis.  He will read a ton of books on dating and self improvement, post on a bunch of forums and participate in lengthy discussions, but he will very rarely approach women. 

2. He will know a ton of principles and theories on what he is SUPPOSED to do but he will not know how to EXECUTE on any of them because he lacks actual EXPERIENCE.

3. He will have done very little to improve any facets of his lifestyle.

4. He will go around asking dating coaches, "Do you think this is true?" about concepts or strategies that he learned or heard from other dating coaches.  He wants to get a 100% consensus before he takes any action.  Most of the time he is trying to find loopholes to not believe something because it's either too difficult or goes against his "nice guy" beliefs.

5. Often times even though he learns a lot about attraction principles, he will still not do the most important mental work of all, which is his own self worth as a man. 

Results: This man will end up confused with the enormous amount of seemingly conflicting information in his head.  He will make himself even more anxious in actually talking to women.  Often times the man ends up just as alone as before he started reading about women and dating.

A man deploying an "Approach Centric" strategy will display the following factors:

1. He will talk to many women but will experience mostly rejections.  Women will often say to him, "I have a boyfriend" or smile and say, "Thank you" and leave.

2. He may get phone numbers but the women will be non-responsive to texts and calls.  He will rarely get them out on a date or be able to generate any romantic or sexual interest.

3. He will experience a lot of flaking even when women agree to a date.

4. He is only focused on dating being a "numbers game" with no understanding of how women's attraction processes really work.  Even if he has read a few books, he has not absorbed any of the principles about female psychology.

5. He has not done any work on his own insecurities, limiting beliefs, or fears.  As a result, his vibe repels most women in all of his approaches.

6. He may spend hours at a public venue only to approach 2 women.

7. He will usually lack sexual vibe in his interactions with women.

8. Often times, even though he is heavily focused on approaching, he has not really developed good body language and a polished routine to be able to generate even minimal attraction.

Results: This man will end up very frustrated because he feels that he has to approach hundreds of women to get one date.  It takes a huge toll on his pride and self worth.  Eventually this inefficiency will lead him to either give up or simply take what comes along.

A man deploying a "Lifestyle Centric" strategy will display the following factors:

1) He will expect that having education, money, and being fit should mean that women automatically should just have sex with him.

2) He will be very frustrated that men who he deems less of a "catch" than he is are able to date women that he cannot.

3) He will have interesting hobbies, but he will still not be able to date the type of women he really wants.

4) He will usually have no problems getting phone numbers and going on the first couple of dates, but will struggle when it comes to sex and having a girlfriend.

5) He will have very little understanding of what women emotionally need to feel sexual and romantic attraction for a man. 

6) He will not know how to talk to women in such a way where she will be intriqued by him.  He believes that he should just be able to show up and women should be approaching him.

7) He will feel that his only value is monetary.

8) People in his life will say things such as, "He has a good job, decent looking, and seems like such a nice guy, I wonder why he never has a girlfriend?"

9) Often times even though he is focused on having a good lifestyle, he will spend a lot of time being very lathargic in most areas of his life.  He leans more talking about what he is "going to do" rather than what he has done.

Results: This man will end up with a heavy entitlement complex and will come across very bitter and resentful at women for not wanting him.


Men who do not approach their issues with women from a holistic standpoint will end up:

1) Angry with women.
2) Feeling horrible about themselves.
3) Taking any attractive woman that comes along, which will usually lead to a relationship based on Desperation.

Obviously the most healthy and effective method would be a strategy that balances all 3 areas equally. In the beginning this is a lot of work. Most men are lazy and don't want to put in the time. However, the irony is that if you put in the work up front, eventually each of the 3 areas will feed the other and the whole process actually becomes easier.

Read the following, "Solutions", to implement some suggested tasks that will help you get out of the hampster wheel you're currently running in.

Hardships

"There has never yet been a man in our history who led a life of ease whose name is worth remembering."
~ Theodore Roosevelt


When you guys start off on this journey to "get more women", many of you probably find out that it isn't really about that. Many of you quickly discovered that your life in general probably needs a pretty big overhaul.

You also quickly discovered how difficult this overhaul can be. If you haven't had a lot of experience in dating, you're probably shocked as to how difficult even getting a simple date can be.

Fail safe routines, secret female attraction triggers, easy to implement attraction gambits, and turning your sex life around in 30 days....well....those shortcuts start to sound pretty good.  "Just tell me what to say to make her like me. Just tell me what to do to get sex".  Men ask me that all the time such as this post here.

There is an old Asian parable that goes something like this:

There are Lotus flowers that grow around an area with volcanoes. Typically Lotus are very sensitive plants and can only grow during certain times of the year. When the conditions aren't perfect they die off quickly.

However, throughout the years people have noticed that the Lotus that grew near the heat of the volcanoes and survived were able to weather harsh conditions. So as the Lotus that weren't near the volcanoes died off quickly as the seasons changed, the ones near the volcanoes survived and actually were more brilliant in color.

The Lotus flowers that figured out a way to grow under the heat of the volcanoes thrived even in poor conditions during other times of the year.

The single biggest problem with the way boys are raised today is mental and emotional weakness. Parents are friends instead of life coaches and guides. Single mothers have become the norm. Fathers are either a bad example or non existent.

We have encouraged a society of ultra sensitive people who are offended by every single little thing. We have encouraged entitlement instead of hard work. Words such as strength, will power, fortitude, values, morals, ethics, and integrity have no meaning.

So now these boys grow up to be adults, but not men. They expect immediate gratification and are completely incapable of handling rejections of any kind. Like those sensitive Lotus flowers, once the conditions aren't absolutely perfect, they simply wither away. Fear, not courage, have become the driving force behind men today.

The difficulties you are facing right now is something that you should have gone through growing up. Hard times are meant to toughen you up so you can weather life's hard conditions. We don't prepare boys to be men anymore. Difficulties with women is just a symptom of a much larger problem.

So yes...the next few years for you is going to be tough. It will be ugly, frustrating, and you're going to feel that you're taking 3 steps forward and 2 steps back...sometimes 4 steps back. But I promise you that if you never stop pushing, never stop learning, and never stop getting up and fighting, you'll get there. It's impossible not to.

These hardships...doing the difficult thing instead of taking the easy shortcuts...will give you an aura that makes women say, "There is just something about him...." Weak men never give off that vibe. That vibe can't be taught, you can't get it from a book, a forum or a blog, a bootcamp, or a DVD. You have to earn it. There are no shortcuts.
_______________________________

This video is a commencement speech given by Admiral William H McHaven, commander of the US Special Operations and former Navy Seal.  This 20 minute video is worth every second of your time and is better than anything I could ever write.

Do yourself a huge favor and listen carefully:

Using A Unique Skill To Pick Up Women

For the purpose of this post I'll use magic as the "unique skill".  However, you can replace magic with singing or composing a song, writing poetry, painting, drawing or anything of that nature.

As a magician, one of the most common questions men ask me is, "Can you teach me a trick that will help me pick up women?" On message board forums one of the most frequently asked questions by teenage boys is, "What is the best trick to ask a girl out to prom/dance/date?"

I'll start by answering both questions, I'll explain why, and then help you understand what you need to do so that you don't have to ask those questions anymore.


The Answers

"Can you teach me a trick that will help me pick up women?" 

I would if there was one that existed.  There is not a single magic trick that will make women feel attraction for you.  You may garner some interest but it won't be sexual or romantic attraction.  Once the trick is over, she'll walk away.

"What is the best trick to ask a girl out to prom/dance/date?"

None.  There isn't a magic trick will make a girl want to say "Yes" to a prom, a dance, or want to date you.  In other words, if she will not say "Yes" without a magic trick, even if you performed a really good illusion for her, she still won't change her answer.


Explanation

The reason why a magic trick or doing something romantic won't make a girl feel any sexual attraction towards you is because you're approaching it from a mindset of Fear.  When a woman feels attraction for you then doing things like a magic trick will be appreciated and valued.  However, the biggest mistake men make is they try to do romantic or cool things in order to evoke attraction and that never works.  It'll only make you look desperate. 

Attraction for women is based on your social value as a man.  The core values are:

1) If other women are attracted to you.  Are you popular with other women in your social circle or the venue you're in?  If you're not then women will not want you.  Have you ever notice that men who have women already can always can get attractive women easier?

2) If you have no fear of them.  Are you overly concern about what women think of you? Are you displaying needy behaviors?  If you reek of fear then no matter how romantic or creative you are she'll still not feel any attraction for you.

3) Are you comfortable in your own skin and in any social situation?  Here is the acid test: If you were at a social gathering and you couldn't do a magic trick, would you still be to interact with women and men in such a way that will make them want to hang out with you?

If you have the above "popularity" then not only will you NOT have to do a magic trick to ask a girl out to the prom, she'll be hoping you'll ask.  That's true attraction.  Same thing with women in any venue outside of a school setting; if you have the above social value then a woman will easily want you to come up and start a conversation with her, without having to resort to magic tricks.


Don't ask a woman if this is a good idea

If you ask a woman advice on this topic you will almost always get the wrong advice.  When a woman tells you that doing something such as a romantic magic trick, telling her how you feel, or giving her flowers is a good idea, she is imaging it coming from a man she is already attracted to mentally, physically, and emotional.  If you follow her advice and try to use those same things to try and generate attraction you'll find that it will completely backfire and make the woman actually retreat from you.

For this and many other reasons, this is why you should Never listen to what a woman SAYS she is attracted to, but instead WATCH what she is attracted to.


Your real problem and how to resolve it

Your real issue here isn't how you can craft the perfect magic performance to get her to say "yes" to the prom.  Your real issue here isn't finding that mind blowing magic trick that will make a girl want to give you her phone number and go out with you.  Your real issue here is that you don't understand how female attraction triggers work.

Fortunately there are several posts on this blog that addresses your core problems.  Read the following 3 posts and start working on yourself as a man so that you're attractive to women in general and you will not need to rely on gimmicks and tricks.  Once you remove the brain washing that pretty and sexy women are superior to you and start behaving like a normal, social, and interesting man, you'll find that those same women will naturally be drawn to you.....and that will be real, not a magic trick.

1. Common Myths All Guys Have
2. Why Women Are Attracted To Assholes
3. Why Nice Guys Really Do Finish Last

Bachelor and Bachelorette Parties

The bachelor and bachelorette party; a rite of passage.  Everyone does it, right?  Like smoking in the 60’s, bell bottoms in the 70’s, mullets in the 80’s, and jeans that hung down to your knees in the 90’s…..if everyone is doing it then it must be the right thing to do.

To celebrate the start of a marriage and life-long commitment by arranging a bachelor/bachelorette party is like going on a drinking binge before going into the 2nd trimester of a pregnancy because hey….this is the last time you’ll be able to drink for awhile.  Makes perfect sense to me.

Here is a story from a man who wrote into a message board asking for advice after his fiancé attended a bachelorette party:

My fiancée had a bachelorette party weekend with a bunch of girlfriends. They went to Florida to hang out on the beach. We have always talked about how we both hate the traditional expectations of these things - strippers, being decorated with plastic penises, dares, etc. I never told her what she should/shouldn't or could/couldn't do this weekend, but we both have always agreed that any kind of intimate contact with the opposite sex is cheating.

Anyway, I found out that her weekend was full of the kinds of games and dares we always said we didn't like. No big deal. But one of the dares was to make out with a guy. She did. They kissed, her sitting on his lap, for about 10 minutes.

I found out because she started telling me how they did have some of the "ritual stuff" but she didn't do anything like kiss someone. I was surprised they did all of the games and stuff because she had told her best friend/maid of honor she didn't want that, but I wasn't upset. She's not a good liar though, and I could tell she wasn't telling me everything. I must stress that she is usually very honest with me. More than anyone I’ve ever known.

Anyway, talking to a friend of hers, the truth inadvertently slipped. I confronted my fiancée who said it did happen and had just been too afraid and ashamed to tell me.

I am hurt, angry and I feel betrayed. I have been cheated on in the past and she knows how important issues of trust are. We are supposed to get married in one month and I am not sure what to do. Part of me wants to call to off. I'd like to say "it was a mistake" and let it go with the understanding this kind of mistake can't happen again. But I feel like my trust has been shattered. Any thoughts on this? 

Raise your hand if you’d like to be in this guy’s situation.  Anyone? Doesn’t that sound like a lovely conundrum to be in?  Of course in actuality this is an easy decision, you call off the wedding faster than she can say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for it to happen”.  But that is easier said than done when “she’s never given you any reason to doubt her"....sound familiar?

Notice that he said, “…she is usually very honest with me. More than anyone I’ve ever known”.  They even both agreed as to what is appropriate and what isn’t.  All good intentions?  Most definitely. But “good intentions” are only as worthy as your behaviors that support those good intentions. Otherwise you're exactly the same as those "immoral" people that you so quickly point fingers at and judge.

It would be easy to just chalk this up as her not being ready to be married or that she is just a slut with no morals.  And she may be all those things.  But I don’t think so.  I think more than likely she just got caught up in a haze of alcohol, bad girlfriends, and men giving her attention. She put herself in a position that is designed to attract and lure men so the result should be no surprise to anyone.


Bachelorette Parties

As a guy who has picked up a lot of women at clubs, bars, and lounges, I can tell you unequivocally that the first group of girls I will always hit first are bachelorette parties.  The easiest and fastest pickups I’ve had in my life are from bachelorette parties, whether they were single, in a relationship or married made no difference.  The reason being that women by nature are social creatures and are more prone to group dynamics.  

In other words, even if a woman has the best of intentions, if the group is participating in behaviors involving other men, she will still go along with it at least to some degree. I’ve seen firsthand how women simply “go with the flow” in situations like a bachelorette party.
 
And yes….they always tell me, “I never do this.”


Bachelor Parties

Here is the ugly truth about bachelor parties: Every guy in there is looking to either get laid or get a blow job.   Yes, ladies…even YOUR guy who “isn’t like that”.  If you’re about to get married and you’re alright with your fiancé going to a bachelor party then you’re naïve and foolish.  The ONLY reason a man will come back from a bachelor party without cheating on you is because he couldn’t or didn’t know how to make it happen, but rest assured the desire and intention was there.

When a man walks into a venue full of beautiful, half naked women designed to attract him physically and mentally, he checks his committment, morals, and love for you at the door.  This is 100% true across the board, regardless of whatever reasons you might want to give about how your man "isn't that shallow".

Here is why men attend bachelor parties, depending on their relationship status:

The Groom:  His intention is to have sex and will be looking for an opportunity to present itself.

Married or in a Long Term Relationship:  His intention is to have sex and will be looking for an opportunity to present itself.

Single: His intention is to have sex and will be looking for an opportunity to present itself.

When a man gets into the car driving towards the venue, his intentions are already set and he is now only looking for opportunities that may be presented once he arrives. When a woman arrives at the venue, opportunities will inevitably be presented that may change her previously good intentions that she had in the car.

In either case you end up with the same destructive results for your relationship.


Last Night of Freedom

Besides the obvious pitfalls of the actual night of the parties, the attitude of this “tradition” is a horrible mentality to take prior to getting married.  What you’re saying is, “Once I’m married I can’t have fun anymore.  Once I’m officially committed then my life is going to be boring and mundane.”

If that is how people view marriage it’s no wonder that within the first 5 years both spouses gain weight, stop being considerate, no longer “date” each other, and become complacent. You’ve already put yourself in the mindset that marriage is a prison and that your single life was so much better.

Marriage should be a celebration of love, joy, and hope. The night before your wedding should not be “your last night of freedom”, it should be the evening before your life truly begins.  


Camaraderie

The most common reason (excuse) for having a bachelor/bachelorette party is that this is a time to celebrate with your friends.  I wholeheartedly agree with that; I think that there should be a celebration because this is a momentous event in your life.

But let’s be honest here, there are many different ways you can celebrate with your friends without doing the traditional bachelor/bachelorette activities.  In fact, almost any other way you choose to celebrate would not put your relationship in jeopardy like the way a traditional party would.

Instead of choosing one of the other ways to celebrate, many people decide to involve activites such as clubs, strippers, heavy drinking and dressing provocatively that is meant to put them in a position to hook up with the opposite sex.

There should absolutely be a celebration because this is such a happy moment in a couple’s life. But to arrange a party that is designed to tear apart the very relationship it is celebrating is completely
foolish and asinine.



In no other area of our life do we adopt this backwards attitude.  The night before the 1st day at an important, career-making job you get enough rest and make sure you're sharp. You don't go out and booze it up and get 3 hours of sleep. 

The night before a child moves from the 2nd grade to the 3rd grade, his parents may walk him through some 3rd grade level work so he is best prepared.  They don't give him Kindergarden work because "he will never get to do that type of work again". 

In all aspects of our life, before an important milestone we always try to go into it with the best possible preparation.  We never prepare by regressing.  Yet when it comes to marriage, the single most important decision of our life, we have a tradition that encourages....almost forces us....to regress to behaviors that presents the highest chance of destroying that union before it even begins.

How you begin something often times determine how successful you will be at it.  If you're making a life long committment then honor each other and your relationship.  Follow your integrity and respect for each other instead of blindly following the masses to participate in a corrupt tradition designed to tear apart your bond.


(This article is also posted on Yahoo Voices: http://voices.yahoo.com/bachelor-bachelorette-parties-10977868.html?cat=49)