Fear

"Limits, like fears, are often just an illusion."
~ Michael Jordan

In our last post we discussed how Desperation is the cause for most of men's failures when it comes to women and the bad behaviors they put up with in relationships. This post will discuss the creator of that desperation: Fear.

Fear leads to desperation.

This is one of the most complex topics because fears are learned at such a young age that it is imbedded in every facet of the psyche. It is so ingrained that to unravel it takes a considerable amount of time and success to counter all the years of conditioning.



Fear is the seed of male brain washing.  Fear is the basic driver for why Nice Guys Always Finish Last and why so many men don't know When To Walk Away from bad relationships with toxic women. Each guy who has problems with dating or relationships suffer from some level of fear.  While the symptoms may manifest itself differently depending on the personality of the guy, fear is the foundation of most of the problems men have with women. 
 
One book that I feel is mandatory reading for every guy today is, No More Mr. Nice Guy.  This book goes in-depth about how men today are raised to be subserviant to women.  The author, Robert Glover, goes into how that not only affects their interactions with women but it also prevents them from integrating properly into normal society.  As a result many men walk around in constant fear that they're not good enough.  He has some excellent exercises and strategies on how to reverse this mindset.  I highly recommend this book.
 
From a relationship and dating stand-point, here are some typical fear based thoughts that men have:

1. She is too beautiful and is out of my league.
2. I think that sex is strictly a favor that women do for men.
3. I'm afraid to a kiss a woman because she might be offended.
4. I'm too old.
5. I'm too young.
6. I'm not rich enough, handsome enough, tall enough, funny enough, social enough, "insert characteristic of choice" enough for women to like me.
7. I'm not good enough for women unless I take care of their every need, buy them things, be understanding, patient, compromising, flexible and never argue with them even when my own needs aren't met.
8. I need to always apologize to women whenever they throw a tantrum. 
9. I better not say anything too risky or else I might offend women.
10. I don't want women to think I'm just like every other guy who only wants sex.
11. I don't want to disagree with anything a woman says or does.
12. I care about what women think of me and would be devastated if they don't approve of what I'm doing or saying.

These fears become so ingrained that it becomes a part of your existence.  Your actions or lack thereof stems from these unrealistic fears.  Fears like these may result in men suffering from:

1. Depression
2. Sexual Dysfunction
3. Extremely Negative Outlook
4. Anger and Violence Issues
5. Heavy Drinking or Drugs
6. Trouble Sleeping
7. Deep Seeded Hatred Towards Women

If there is one thing I want you guys to take away from this post is that ALL of your internal fears are completely and utterly FALSE.  None of what you think about how you fit into this world is true.

You are a man. You are born to be the leader in a romantic relationship. You have the right to have beautiful and good women in your life.  You have the right to have expectations and standards.  If you let fear rule your life, you'll just end up taking whoever comes along.  A real man's life is not ruled by anyone.  He doesn't need anyone's approval.  People seek his approval.

Don't ever let anyone tell you that you can't do something or be somebody.  Don't ever let anyone tell you that you are less than someone else or that you're not worthy of a passionate and happy life.  Don't let your irrational fears and perceived weaknesses be an excuse.  There are no excuses.

We all have areas in our life that needs improvement. A key factor in being a strong man is recognizing those areas and doing everything in your power to strengthen those weaknesses. If you aren't happy with an area in your life, then go out and learn how to improve on it and don't stop till you're happy with the results. Anyone can be good at anything if you put in enough effort and willpower. Any weakness can be overcome or lessened with hard work. 

Every fear that have kept you from succeeding with women are false.  100% false.  It is completely up to you how much work you want to put in to overcome those fears and find success.  If you don't want to put in the work and want to take shortcuts then that is something you need to own up to, but don't make excuses and claim that you're "unlucky" or how other guys "have it easier".  Everyone pays their dues, one way or another.

Here is what FEAR really means:

F.alse

E.vidence
A.ppearing
R.eal

You have a lot more control over all aspects of your life than you think.  Whether you are 15 or 50, it is never too soon or too late to strive to be a stronger man.  It is this internal strength, will power, and clarity that all women, from all walks of life, will be innately attracted to.


"Back in high school and college, when I wanted to ask a woman out, I would first spend several weeks thinking about her. I would imagine what it would be like to be with her. My fear, self-limiting beliefs, and lack of skills prevented me from just approaching her and asking her out.

When I finally got up the nerve to approach the woman I had been obsessing about, I would wait until the last minute, walk up to her awkwardly and blurt out something like, "I don't guess you would want to go out with me tonight, would you?" She would usually respond with a look of surprise and say something like, "Oh, I already have plans for tonight." Then I would feel foolish, retreat, and never talk to her again. When I did succeed getting a girlfriend, I would hang on to her forever because I didn't want to repeat the process of having to start dating all over again."

~ Dr. Robert Glover, author of No More Mr. Nice Guy