Strategies That Will Ensure Your Failures - Solutions

In a previous post titled, "Strategies That Will Ensure Your Failure", we outlined the most common techniques men use that all but ensure they spend years running in a hampster wheel when trying to improve their dating life.  This post will offer some suggestions on how to get off that wheel.

Re-read that post and be extremely and brutally honest with yourself as to which strategy you fall into.  You may fall into more than one of those areas and if so then you should read the recommendations for each one.


Mindset Centric Strategy

"Theory without practice leads to an empty idealism, and action without philosophical reflection leads to mindless activism".
~ Elias & Merriam

For those that fall into the Mindset Centric problem, you are one of the many men who suffer from mental masturabation.  Here is your task list:

1) Stop talking about what you think should be done; that includes dating forums, emailing other guys, or just sitting around and talking about it.

2) Set a goal to start a conversation with 2 new women per day for 90 days.  You know MORE than enough to start a conversation.  It's now time to put it into action. Whatever you've read, whatever you think you know, I promise you that when you start actually talking to women it will be nothing like how you think it is.  Don't make excuses.  I assure you that in 90 days you will find that the reality of talking to women is very much different than what you've read or whatever DVD you've watched.

3) Pick a new wardrobe style.  Whatever your style is now, it is most likely boring and drab. Pick up a GQ magazine, Esquire magazine, and/or this Style Guide.  Start dressing like an interesting man.  Clothes are important. Don't argue. Get over it.

4) Find one hobby or sport that forces you to be around other people.  Public speaking is a great way to get you out of your shell.  Join a club that will force you to stand up and give presentations.  Join a team that will force you to work with other guys and develope a comaraderie. These are things that men grew up learning how to do.  Somewhere along the way you missed out on these things and this is one of the reasons why you are so lacking in social intelligence.

5) Twice a month plan a happy hour and/or arrange for a group of people to go out to dinner.  Start to create events and be the host instead of sitting around and wait to be invited.  At this point in your life, no one is going to invite you because you don't have anything positive to offer to the social interaction yet.

6) Stop reading dating forums, dating articles and anything dating related.  Read books and magazines that have nothing to do with dating.  Preferrably read things that are pop culture based. Chances are you aren't very in tune with what is mainstream and you have very little to talk to people about that are fun, light hearted, and sparks immediate conversation. 

7) You're never going to be "ready".  Leave your comfort zone and do what your fearful, pansy voice in your head tells you that you cannot.  In a year after you've had consistent real world experience, only then go back and read anything dating based.  You will see things completely differently.


Approach Centric Strategy

"Theory without practice leads to an empty idealism, and action without philosophical reflection leads to mindless activism".
~ Elias & Merriam

For those that fall into the Approach Centric problem, you talk to a lot of women but never analyze or learn from your mistakes.  Here is your task list:

1) Stop trying to fit your interactions with women into a specific "school" or "theory".  There is no such thing as one dating system out there that has all the answers.  Stop being a fan boy and instead be a renassiance man who learns from everything and everyone. 

2) If you don't know what to say, then create some pre-determined talking points so you have a basis to launch interesting conversations. Not knowing what to say should never be an excuse.

3) If you vomit at the mouth pouring your feelings out, then shut up and be more mysterious.  Stop answering every question as if you're on trial.

4) If you don't express your sexuality enough and/or you're ashamed of it, then make your intentions known early and boldly. 

5) If you're already too touchy, feely then lean back and show some constraint. 

6) Learn from your mistakes.  Stop being just an approach machine and having no regard to the quality of your interactions. Stop trying to get to the "number close".  That's not success.  All you're collecting are flakes.

7) If you're approaching a lot of women and getting very little dates or sex, then chances are you're giving off a very safe, non-threatening, non-sexual energy.  You create no mystery, challenge, or sexual tension.  Start talking to groups of women instead of seeking out women sitting by themselves.  Right now you have no social value to women, that's why you're getting rejected.  They don't feel any need to compete for your attention.

8) Pick a new wardrobe style. Whatever your style is now, it is most likely very "safe" with no edge to it at all. Pick up a GQ magazine, Esquire magazine, and/or this Style Guide. Start dressing like an interesting man. Clothes are important. Don't argue. Get over it.

9) Find one hobby or sport that forces you to be around other people. Public speaking is a great way to get you out of your shell. Join a club that will force you to stand up and give presentations. Join a team that will force you to work with other guys and develope a comaraderie. These are things that men grew up learning how to do. Somewhere along the way you missed out on these things and this is one of the reasons why you are so lacking in social intelligence.

10) Twice a month plan a happy hour and/or arrange for a group of people to go out to dinner.  Your social life is probably lacking quite a bit.  You have nothing interesting to talk to women about after you get past the first 2-3 minutes.  Start to hang around different types of people to expand your social circle.  The best way to do this is to be a host and show people a good time.

11) Start to calibrate your interactions.  Stop repeating what doesn't work.  Women dream about being approached well by an interesting and attractive man.  What you're doing now is admirable but you're a nuiance.  You're not giving a woman a fun, challenging, and exciting journey. You're just an interview machine asking women questions they've been asked thousands of times by other guys.


Lifestyle Centric Strategy

"Don't be a walking checkbook".
~ Me

For those that fall into the Lifestyle Centric problem, most areas of your life is good and you have a lot of interesting things to share, however, women still aren't sexually attracted to you. 

If your lifestyle is good but you're still working very hard to get the type of women you want and desire, then chances are you're hiding behind your career and hobbies. While on paper you seem like a man that women would love to date, once they get to know you they find out how little self worth you really have. You don't lead a relationship. You're just there to "woo her" and not much else.

Here is your task list:

1) You grew up thinking that you have to be buy women's affection.  Stop throwing money at women to earn their time and affection.

2) Stop bragging about what you do or what you have.

3) Find men who are successful with women.  Observe how they behave around women.  Talk to them about how they think about women.  I assure you it will be very different than how you think.

4) Read the following posts:

Nice Guys Always Finish Last
Why Women Are Attracted To Assholes
Common Myths
Fear

5) You're angry that even after you've "done so well" in life that women still don't want you.  You feel entitled to beautiful women.  Yes...you've done well in life but you've neglected your most important task as a man and that is to learn how to lead women in a relationship; not to lead with your money, but with your courage, integrity, and standards in life.  Things that you can't buy and that can't be taken away from you. When you put yourself beneath women by feeling as if you're worthless if you're not throwing around your wealth, then you're not a leader, you're a servant.


If you're failing with women in your life, chances are you fall into one or more of the above categories.  Whichever category you fall into, it is important to balance the various parts of your life.  Most importantly, your fears (whatever they may be) are bleeding out of your pores whenever you interact with women.  It is that unattractive aura that women instinctively pick up on that is causing you to experience so much frustration.  You can't run from them.  They always catch up to you.

Stop being stubborn and start taking an honest account of your mental and emotional inventory.  One of the most attractive traits a man can possess is his ability to have the humility to admit when something isn't working and the courage to make the necessary changes.