No, she isn't "special".
No, it's not because we don't "understand your special connection".
No, it's not because you feel "it's worth taking the chance".
No, she isn't an "amazing woman". She is only amazing to YOU because you've had little to no success with other women.
Now that we have that out of the way, let's get to it.....
As with most things in life, not doing the right things (usually that means the difficult things) often leads to negative consequences. In this blog we've discussed how Nice Guys Finish Last and how most men today walk around carrying these Common Myths that have virtually destroyed their dating life.
Most guys are either too stubborn or too lazy….or both….and they refuse to put in the work necessary to change how they think or behave. There are only two possible end results to this path:
- Either you're always alone or...
- You end up "getting lucky" and landing that all important girlfriend that becomes the center of your world.
When you have no understanding of how women's attraction triggers work, you'll end up with one of these 4 Types of Women Who Will Date a Nice Guy. She will be the center of your world and your only reason for living because you've had years of little to no success. This creates a vortex of desperation that dominates your entire relationship. The symptoms of this type of relationship are:
- You are in constant fear of saying or doing the wrong things because she may leave you.
- You are ultra-sensitive to her every need; anything she wants, you'll get it or do it for her.
- You are easily hurt by anything she says that remotely shows she doesn't feel about you in the enormous way you feel about her.
- You feel that you are the luckiest man in the world to have her, even though you have had very little experience with other women to compare her to.
- You constantly think about how she feels but she rarely, if ever, takes your feelings into consideration.
- You put up with bad behavior from her such as unreasonable demands, temper tantrums, and using other men to make you jealous. Even though you don't feel this is right, you talk yourself into putting up with it and you end up making excuses for her.
These symptoms are indicative of a man who fears losing the woman because he does not know when the next woman will "give him a shot" again. This is the very core definition of "Desperation". When this happens, regardless of what the woman does, the man will never leave her. In fact, in most cases, the woman ends up leaving and the guy devotes all his time to getting her back…without any success.
The saddest, most pathetic level that a man can reach is when he is in a position where losing her CANNOT be an option. When a man reaches this point in his life, he has lost the very essence of being a man. When a man reaches this low point, everything else in his life will eventually fall apart.
The diagram below illustrates the thought process that men have when they're in a relationship based on desperation. Click on the chart for a larger view:
The saddest, most pathetic level that a man can reach is when he is in a position where losing her CANNOT be an option. When a man reaches this point in his life, he has lost the very essence of being a man. When a man reaches this low point, everything else in his life will eventually fall apart.
The diagram below illustrates the thought process that men have when they're in a relationship based on desperation. Click on the chart for a larger view:
In an earlier post we discussed about Knowing When To Walk Away. However, if you're in a desperate state of mind as illustrated in the chart above, then you're going to stay no matter how much the woman shits on you because you have no where else to go. That is a special kind of hell that is absolutely unnecessary because life doesn't have to be that way.
Throughout this blog there are posts here that will help you understand why you've ended up in this position and how to undo the brain washing that's plagued you for so long. Only when you stop doing what you've been doing and learn to interact with women differently will you find success with beautiful and loving women.
Immediate Course of Action
1) Cease ALL contact
2) Burn ALL possible contact information
3) Cease ALL contact IMMEDIATELY
- No, you don't need "closure"
- No, she doesn't need you
- No, there isn't a misunderstanding
- No, you can't be friends
- No, you're not going to "leave it up to her"
- No, you're not going to answer if she reaches out to you and makes you feel guilty
So once again...burn all contact information and cease all communication....not tomorrow....NOW.
Recommended Reading
So, how women's attraction triggers work?
ReplyDelete1) Do the opposite of this list here: http://baller08.blogspot.com/2010/03/nice-guys-always-finish-last.html
Delete2) Build an interesting life where you have social status and have some passions.
3) Care more about what you want than what women think about you.
When you say social status you mean you have to have a good job, money, a good house, a good car, etc?
ReplyDeleteBaller08, a good way to solve the Desperation problem is having an abundance mentality?
ReplyDeleteI saw the diagram, it looks like a catch 22, if you don't have experience AND options, how you are not gonna be desperate?
ReplyDeleteYou're one of those guys who sit at home and do nothing but mental masturbate. You think having social status means a good job, money, a good house, and a good car. That's not good social status...that's the BARE MINIMUM for any average guy. Having those things are what you're supposed to do for yourself...you don't get rewarded with pussy for doing what you're supposed to do as a good citizen.
DeleteWhat did you do in 2013 to better your life? What risks did you take? Did you learn something cool? Something interesting? How many women did you talk to? How many dates did you go on? How many times did you chicken out of talking to a pretty girl? How many times did you chicken out of going for a kiss? How much time did you spend in the gym? How many parties or happy hours did you try to get together?
What are you going to do different in 2014? It's already 7 days into the new year...what have you done differently so far?
Women and dating are only a small piece of your problem....the over arching problem ere is you don't have a life and you're too afraid to push yourself out of your comfort zone. You're afraid to fail. And so long as you let fear rule you, you're not going to successful in life and that includes women.
".........., and action without philosophical reflection leads to mindless activism".
ReplyDeleteFrom your own blog.
And you conveniently left out the first part of that quote: "Theory without practice leads to an empty idealism..." - that's you.
DeleteI can't only obey orders, I do have to see how my mindset is affecting me to make some changes in my life.
ReplyDeleteYes your mindset sucks. No one is arguing that, but till you start taking some actions, you have nothing to even reflect on. All your opinions and thoughts on life, at this moment, are 100% wrong.
DeletePut it this way...everything you've been doing up to this point in your life has led you to where you are. But here you are...still arguing your point when you have nothing to argue with.
So now you can take what I've told you and start taking action....only then can you ask questions on how to improve OR...you can move from blog to blog, forums to forum, arguing your opinions based on nothing but what you've come up with in your head. But don't waste my time asking questions when you won't take action.
I DO take action, but every time I do it I screw it up, that's why I'm trying to see where I am failing and I THINK I have a lot of desperation with the kind of girls I like: young girls. Every time I get a little bit of attention from a young girl I get desperate because I haven't been successful with them; therefore I see them like an unattainable kind of girl, because I care way too much about the outcome.
DeleteThat's why I was thinking if I have an abundance mentality (or if I hit on a bunch of them at the same time) I wouldn't care about the outcome I would behave more freely and I'd would be more attractive. I think young girls play games with me because they sense how much I am interested in them.
You are correct...you value them inappropriately so therefore you're about as attractive to them as a fat girl is to you.
DeleteIt doesn't matter if a girl is young or older...women are women. The problem here is you. Let me ask you...what do you bring to the table? Your mindset is obviously completely wrong...that's the major core problem. What about your lifestyle? Your looks? Your interests? Your social circle? Your talents? Your work? Your finances? Your charm? Your humor?
Ask yourself...would you date you? Guys come on these blogs looking for magic answers when deep down inside they know they haven't done much with their life...yet they want women to validate them by dating and having sex with them.
Even on these comments I can tell you're angry and bitter. You think the world (and women) owe you something. As if just being a "nice guy" is something so special.
You talk to maybe 1 girl every 3 months after you've worked yourself up to even say "hi" and then wonder why that girl isn't attracted to you.
Build a life that you can be proud of. Correct these false beliefs about beautiful women. Only then will you start seeing positive results.
Everything boils down to HOW I behave with women I find attractive compare to women I don't find attractive. I don't care about the outcome with women I don't find attractive and I care way too much about the outcome with young girls, therefore I look unattractive and they already know they got me, I'm not a challenge at all. Again I think the solution is: abundance mentality and keeping my options open.
DeleteI've been stuck in this situation for about 2 years, I don't want to date women that I don't find attractive anymore and when I want to date an attractive girl I'm a total wuss. It's time to make some changes!
I think I'm good looking and I have a good group of friends, my life style is not bad. My mindset is not apropiate to date attractive girls and I get emotionally affected when I interact with them, way too needy and invested. It's never gonna work out if I don't change.
IDK if I'm supposed to comment here about my interactions with women but you told me to take action and I did it!
ReplyDeleteI could notice that I have a LOT of anxiety with the kind of girls I like; young girls. It's hard to me to stay present and enjoy the interaction, my mind goes crazy and I start to think about what could go WRONG if I date a young girl: The age gap could affect the relationship, people is going to criticize us, how am I gonna have a LTR with her, etc? I don't enjoy the moment, the present. I'm full of fears about what could go wrong if I "dare" to date young girls. Even though it is something extremely hard to control I've noticed it isn't SO bad after I took action aven though I was terrified, even though I took action when I somatize because of my fears. I saw I could act even though I was afraid.
I could notice too that I feel a lot of guilt if I hit on girls that I find attractive, because my sisters used to tell me that hitting on a woman JUST based on her looks is a bad thing to do, I have to care about her feelings.
It is very interesting to notice how my mind and body struggle to keep me paralized when I try to leave my comfort zone.
I do want to date young and beatiful girls but I feel guilty and fearful if I try to so.
I guess I have to keep trying to do it to get my mind aligned with what I want.
I also noticed that I care too much about others opinion if i do what I want to do, if I live my life.
Delete