Why Men Aren't Attracted To You

My blog here focuses mainly on the ills that affect men.  While I have a few posts that attempt to help women understand why their relationships are suffering, there are certainly other authors and blogs that do a much better and thorough job.

For women it is rare when men are not sexually attracted to them. The only group of women who have a hard time with this are the ones who have let themselves go physically (ie: overweight and/or dresses like a PE teacher all the time). The more common challenge for women is finding the type of man that will want to commit to a relationship.  The next few links below will help you understand why you're having such a difficult time finding a happy and healthy relationship.

There is a site that is the opposite of mine in that it focuses mainly on women's challenges and once in a while touches upon men's issues.  The site is called, "The Rules Revisited".  The author, Andrew, presents many well written articles that are geared towards "de-brain washing" women that have been raised under attraction-killing, feminist dogma.  He clearly explains why you've continually sabatoged your own chances for passionate and fulfilling romantic relationships. His post titled, "Misconceptions", does a good job of listing the basic misconceptions that causes a lot of confusion for women today.

In a separate website this article, "Why Some Women Aren't Wife Material", briefly breaks down some of the main reasons why a man can be with a woman for many years and not ask her to marry him, but will turn around and ask his next girlfriend within a matter of months. 

As a woman today you're probably not used to hearing how you've gone about dating all wrong.  The women who I've witnessed have the most drama filled relationships or no relationships at all, are the first to yell "sexist" or "misogynist" whenever they read any advice that suggests they're not relationship material to most men.

So, if you're a woman who is dead set on being militant then you are welcome to continue being alone or unhappy.  However, if you're a woman who truly wants to be married to a great husband and build a life and family full of love and happiness, then the following 2 books are all you really need to understand what you've been doing wrong:

1. "Why You Aren't Married....Yet" by Tracy McMillan
2. "Why Men Marry Some Women And Not Others" by John Molloy

Here is a reader testimony from the 2nd book.  I can't tell you how often I've heard this type of regret from women today. 

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A slap in the face and a wake up call

i wanted to read this book after it was made fun of recently at a magazine for feminists and women who generally agree that there are a lot of things to life than getting a man. being alone for so long and not being able to pinpoint exactly why, it picked my curiosity. i read it and i've lost track of how many times this book has made me cry. it was all right there how i sabotaged my own life against having a mate. now that it's easier for me to be kidnapped by terrorists than to find a man i realize (with the help of this book) all that i did wrong: the long years spent studying while my friends were out partying and getting boyfriends, the dead end jobs where there were no available men, the long hours working odd shifts, the occasional unavailable man (mr. right now), the "a little too-casual" appearance, waiting for the one that got away to come back (he never will), the many requirements that no man seemed to fulfill... i'm alone with no prospects of getting married and it's all my fault.
sister, i don't want to sound like if you don't have a man you're a loser but i'm telling you: my money and my graduate degree don't keep me warm on saturday nights. eventually your friends are married with kids and you find yourself making every night a blockbuster night with your cats. even my gynecologist told me to hurry up if i wanted to have babies. it's probably too late for me but save yourself. find balance in your life. if you want to get married in your thirties you have to start looking hard for prospects when you are in your late twenties because you'll be amazed when one day you open your eyes and realize that all men seem to have poof! dissapeared. i wish i had read this ten years ago. oh, all this coming from a "feminist"... somebody who was very proud of her "independence". a feminist that is very educated and very lonely...

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We Have Lost Our Way

Street side memorial for the 20 children of Sandy Hook Elementary

"Destroy the family, you destroy the country."
~ Vladimir Llyich Lenin, 1st Leader of the Soviet Union


We have lost our way.  The United States of America have been going down a terrible road for quite some time.  A great nation like ours hardly ever gets taken over from external forces; it almost always implodes from the inside. 

The mindless horrors from the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting is just the latest symptom of a much deeper problem our country is facing; we have created a nation that is eroding from the inside out.

America is a very young country.  We are the equivalent of an adolescent and like an adolescent, we think we know better than everyone else that have come before us.  But we do not.  We may be more advanced in technology, agriculture, and human rights, but we have lost our way when it comes to human nature.

We have lost our humanity as a nation.  This is why Eastern philosophy, such as Buddhism and the Yin/Yang concept, that are thousands of years old are now finally making their way into our field of psychology and therapy.  The solutions to the problems that we have created for ourselves have already been answered by much wiser nations thousands of years ago.

We are an adolescent that refused to listen; we thought we knew better and our children and citizens have paid the price.

1) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that appropriately spanking our children is "abuse" instead of discipline.

2) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that we need to be our children's "friend".  We stopped being parents.  We stopped guiding and teaching with wisdom and love.

3) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that we cannot let our children go through anything difficult; that we need to give them only praise.  As a result they grew to be adults who possessed no tools to deal with any adversity or hardships.

4) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that we should give our children anything they wanted.  As a result they grew up to be adults who feel they are entitled to happiness and success instead of working for it.

5) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that we needed to focus on materialism.  We thought that throwing toys, video games, mobile devices, clothes, and cars would make up for our lack of love, time, and devotion to our children.

6) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that we didn't need Fathers.

7) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that men were stupid, incapable, shallow, evil, rapists, and that all problems of the world were caused by them.  This is what boys of the last 30 years heard while growing up.  As a result they grew up to be fearful men, weak boyfriends, overwhelmed husbands, and absentee fathers.

8) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that being a loving and giving woman was negative.  We convinced ourselves that feminine traits were weak; that honoring your husband was a form of "oppression" and that a woman needed to be just like a man.  So women de-valued themselves sexually, behaved like men, and suppressed their natural, beautiful feminine qualities. As a result women moved from one unhealthy relationship to the next, often times dragging their children through instability and misery.

9) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves to celebrate single motherhood instead of teaching our young women how to avoid it.

10) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves that it's perfectly fine to have reality television and it's "stars" raise our children.  As a result we have a generation of young adults who are self-centered, disrespectful, drama-ridden, and unable to take responsibility for their own problems.

11) Somewhere along the way, we told ourselves that men and women shouldn't have roles. This created a nation of confused, frustrated, and resentful husbands and wives.  As a result we have very few healthy and strong marriages.  Once that core broke down, our ability to be good parents also collapsed.

12) Somewhere along the way family values became "old", "backwards", and "conservative" instead of simply "values". 

13) Somewhere along the way being "tolerant" meant only being tolerant of anything that is deviant.  As a result, if you wanted to hold true to family values that have been passed down through the centuries, you were labeled as "uneducated" or a "hateful".

14) Somewhere along the way we became so "open minded" that our brains collectively fell out.

15) Somewhere along the way we started to care more about the criminals' rights than the victims' rights.  As result the criminals were given media headlines and notoriety, which in turn created more copy cats because it is far better for them to die an evil monster than a loser nobody.

16) Somewhere along the way we told ourselves we needed to save everyone. That everyone, no matter how disturbed and how many times they broke the law, deserved endless chances. As a result thousands upon thousands of innocent people have lost their lives needlessly because criminals were allowed to continue to walk among good citizens.

17) Somewhere along the way we lost our common sense and allowed war machines to be easily accessible because we didn't want to "intrude on anyone's rights".

18) Somewhere along the way we become terrified of "offending" everyone and every group. As a result we became too paralyzed with fear to do what was right because it was too hard. 

America is the young, rich, spoiled adolescent that no one could discipline.  We are not "progressive".  We are not "enlightened". We are currently in the "dark ages".  We are a lost nation and we have done it to ourselves.

Changing our current environment starts with each of us individually. Are we paralyzed with fear? Do we simply go along with what is trendy and what is politically correct? Or do we have the courage to stand up for what is right...what has always been right...and live our life by a standard that is higher than what is acceptable today?

Do you have the emotional fortitude to withstand the criticisms? Do you have the mental strength to handle the ridicule? If you do not, then you will pass on those weaknesses to your children. 

Our only salvation is that we raise our children, not under the current modern day principles, but under the time tested values that have come before us.  We need to look back to the past if we have any hope of a promising future. 

26 Acts of Kindness

- Charlotte Bacon, 2/22/06, female
- Daniel Barden, 9/25/05, male
- Rachel Davino, 7/17/83, female.
- Olivia Engel, 7/18/06, female
- Josephine Gay, 12/11/05, female
- Ana M. Marquez-Greene, 04/04/06, female
- Dylan Hockley, 3/8/06, male
- Dawn Hochsprung, 06/28/65, female
- Madeleine F. Hsu, 7/10/06, female
- Catherine V. Hubbard, 6/08/06, female
- Chase Kowalski, 10/31/05, male
- Jesse Lewis, 6/30/06, male
- James Mattioli , 3/22/06, male
- Grace McDonnell, 12/04/05, female
- Anne Marie Murphy, 07/25/60, female
- Emilie Parker, 5/12/06, female
- Jack Pinto, 5/06/06, male
- Noah Pozner, 11/20/06, male
- Caroline Previdi, 9/07/06, female
- Jessica Rekos, 5/10/06, female
- Avielle Richman, 10/17/06, female
- Lauren Rousseau, 6/1982, female
- Mary Sherlach, 2/11/56, female
- Victoria Soto, 11/04/85, female
- Benjamin Wheeler, 9/12/06, male
- Allison N. Wyatt, 7/03/06, female

"If you do good, you'll feel good"
~ Ann Curry

On the morning of December 14, 2012, an evil monster walked into an elementary school and sprayed bullets at children and teachers.  20 children died, all between the ages of 6-7 years old.  6 adults also died in the unspeakable tragedy.

There are so many things wrong with America.  We didn't get here overnight. 

Ann Curry proposed this 26 Acts of Kindness Campaign.  I urge everyone reading this blog to take time out from thinking of your own problems to help someone else. 

You may think your life sucks.  You may feel lonely.  You may feel hurt.  You may feel angry. But I assure you there is some one that you see every day that is worse off.  Reach out and focus on something beyond yourself.

For those of you who don't have any children or children in your lives, you may not fully appreciate just how evil this is.  You may not understand the inhumane amount of pain this is for the parents and families of these children.

Whatever your situation is in life, take this campaign and do 26 Acts of Kindness for a friend, a family member, or a stranger.  The opposite of love isn't hate...it's indifference.

Please don't sit on the sidelines and be indifferent.  You have no idea if your small act of kindness can change someone's life for the better.

26 Acts of Kindness Campaign

The Love of a Woman

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
~ Lao Tzu, 6th Century BCE


Love is not a construct of "society".  It is not a meaningless chemical in your brain. It is not a system designed to oppress women. It is not an institution forged to surpress men. 

It is never old.  It is never new.  It is a constant regardless of how much we think we know and how much we think we've changed.  It is independent of technology, of social movements, or political decrees.  It doesn't change with the changing of the times.

Love is as real and powerful as any of our other human emotions; often times even more so. Love is not a "nice to have". It is essential to our emotional, mental, and physical health. 

Family, friends, interesting hobbies, and a good career are not suitable substitutes for romantic and sexual love.

On this forum I rarely discuss loving, long term relationships because the men that this blog is geared towards are not ready.  They are too desperate, evoke too much fear, and are generally not attractive to women.

Nevertheless it is important to remember why we spend so much time undoing the "male brain washing" and why it is so vital for men to get back to their natural roles as strong, dominant leaders.
 
There are very few things on this planet that is as satisfying than receiving the unyielding love from an amazing, beautiful woman.  It trumps sleeping with multiple women, 3-somes, being "the man" at a club, showing off to your friends, or any other archetype that men generally try to strive for.

When you can put your Trust in a woman wholeheartedly, you find out what real strength truly is.  When you live your life for someone else and stop living only for yourself, then you truly understand why men and women are put on this Earth together.  Men and women need each other.  There is no such thing as 100% happiness being alone.  That is simply a defensive mechanism people project onto each other after years of frustration in the dating world.

Achieving this level of intimacy is hard for men today because they aren't the type of man that will attract women who possess awesome character traits.  They draw the high maintenance and high drama women.  They get jerked around and eventually develop a hatred for women. 

No matter what you do as a man, you will never know how high your strength can fly till you feel the enormous love of a woman.  No matter where you go as a man, you will never know how deep your courage can flow till you return that love, not out of scarcity.....but out of choice.

Every day you don't face your fears and every day you make excuses is another day where your window to find true happiness closes. When you meet your Soul Mate, will you be ready to be hers? 

Strategies That Will Ensure Your Failures - Solutions

In a previous post titled, "Strategies That Will Ensure Your Failure", we outlined the most common techniques men use that all but ensure they spend years running in a hampster wheel when trying to improve their dating life.  This post will offer some suggestions on how to get off that wheel.

Re-read that post and be extremely and brutally honest with yourself as to which strategy you fall into.  You may fall into more than one of those areas and if so then you should read the recommendations for each one.


Mindset Centric Strategy

"Theory without practice leads to an empty idealism, and action without philosophical reflection leads to mindless activism".
~ Elias & Merriam

For those that fall into the Mindset Centric problem, you are one of the many men who suffer from mental masturabation.  Here is your task list:

1) Stop talking about what you think should be done; that includes dating forums, emailing other guys, or just sitting around and talking about it.

2) Set a goal to start a conversation with 2 new women per day for 90 days.  You know MORE than enough to start a conversation.  It's now time to put it into action. Whatever you've read, whatever you think you know, I promise you that when you start actually talking to women it will be nothing like how you think it is.  Don't make excuses.  I assure you that in 90 days you will find that the reality of talking to women is very much different than what you've read or whatever DVD you've watched.

3) Pick a new wardrobe style.  Whatever your style is now, it is most likely boring and drab. Pick up a GQ magazine, Esquire magazine, and/or this Style Guide.  Start dressing like an interesting man.  Clothes are important. Don't argue. Get over it.

4) Find one hobby or sport that forces you to be around other people.  Public speaking is a great way to get you out of your shell.  Join a club that will force you to stand up and give presentations.  Join a team that will force you to work with other guys and develope a comaraderie. These are things that men grew up learning how to do.  Somewhere along the way you missed out on these things and this is one of the reasons why you are so lacking in social intelligence.

5) Twice a month plan a happy hour and/or arrange for a group of people to go out to dinner.  Start to create events and be the host instead of sitting around and wait to be invited.  At this point in your life, no one is going to invite you because you don't have anything positive to offer to the social interaction yet.

6) Stop reading dating forums, dating articles and anything dating related.  Read books and magazines that have nothing to do with dating.  Preferrably read things that are pop culture based. Chances are you aren't very in tune with what is mainstream and you have very little to talk to people about that are fun, light hearted, and sparks immediate conversation. 

7) You're never going to be "ready".  Leave your comfort zone and do what your fearful, pansy voice in your head tells you that you cannot.  In a year after you've had consistent real world experience, only then go back and read anything dating based.  You will see things completely differently.


Approach Centric Strategy

"Theory without practice leads to an empty idealism, and action without philosophical reflection leads to mindless activism".
~ Elias & Merriam

For those that fall into the Approach Centric problem, you talk to a lot of women but never analyze or learn from your mistakes.  Here is your task list:

1) Stop trying to fit your interactions with women into a specific "school" or "theory".  There is no such thing as one dating system out there that has all the answers.  Stop being a fan boy and instead be a renassiance man who learns from everything and everyone. 

2) If you don't know what to say, then create some pre-determined talking points so you have a basis to launch interesting conversations. Not knowing what to say should never be an excuse.

3) If you vomit at the mouth pouring your feelings out, then shut up and be more mysterious.  Stop answering every question as if you're on trial.

4) If you don't express your sexuality enough and/or you're ashamed of it, then make your intentions known early and boldly. 

5) If you're already too touchy, feely then lean back and show some constraint. 

6) Learn from your mistakes.  Stop being just an approach machine and having no regard to the quality of your interactions. Stop trying to get to the "number close".  That's not success.  All you're collecting are flakes.

7) If you're approaching a lot of women and getting very little dates or sex, then chances are you're giving off a very safe, non-threatening, non-sexual energy.  You create no mystery, challenge, or sexual tension.  Start talking to groups of women instead of seeking out women sitting by themselves.  Right now you have no social value to women, that's why you're getting rejected.  They don't feel any need to compete for your attention.

8) Pick a new wardrobe style. Whatever your style is now, it is most likely very "safe" with no edge to it at all. Pick up a GQ magazine, Esquire magazine, and/or this Style Guide. Start dressing like an interesting man. Clothes are important. Don't argue. Get over it.

9) Find one hobby or sport that forces you to be around other people. Public speaking is a great way to get you out of your shell. Join a club that will force you to stand up and give presentations. Join a team that will force you to work with other guys and develope a comaraderie. These are things that men grew up learning how to do. Somewhere along the way you missed out on these things and this is one of the reasons why you are so lacking in social intelligence.

10) Twice a month plan a happy hour and/or arrange for a group of people to go out to dinner.  Your social life is probably lacking quite a bit.  You have nothing interesting to talk to women about after you get past the first 2-3 minutes.  Start to hang around different types of people to expand your social circle.  The best way to do this is to be a host and show people a good time.

11) Start to calibrate your interactions.  Stop repeating what doesn't work.  Women dream about being approached well by an interesting and attractive man.  What you're doing now is admirable but you're a nuiance.  You're not giving a woman a fun, challenging, and exciting journey. You're just an interview machine asking women questions they've been asked thousands of times by other guys.


Lifestyle Centric Strategy

"Don't be a walking checkbook".
~ Me

For those that fall into the Lifestyle Centric problem, most areas of your life is good and you have a lot of interesting things to share, however, women still aren't sexually attracted to you. 

If your lifestyle is good but you're still working very hard to get the type of women you want and desire, then chances are you're hiding behind your career and hobbies. While on paper you seem like a man that women would love to date, once they get to know you they find out how little self worth you really have. You don't lead a relationship. You're just there to "woo her" and not much else.

Here is your task list:

1) You grew up thinking that you have to be buy women's affection.  Stop throwing money at women to earn their time and affection.

2) Stop bragging about what you do or what you have.

3) Find men who are successful with women.  Observe how they behave around women.  Talk to them about how they think about women.  I assure you it will be very different than how you think.

4) Read the following posts:

Nice Guys Always Finish Last
Why Women Are Attracted To Assholes
Common Myths
Fear

5) You're angry that even after you've "done so well" in life that women still don't want you.  You feel entitled to beautiful women.  Yes...you've done well in life but you've neglected your most important task as a man and that is to learn how to lead women in a relationship; not to lead with your money, but with your courage, integrity, and standards in life.  Things that you can't buy and that can't be taken away from you. When you put yourself beneath women by feeling as if you're worthless if you're not throwing around your wealth, then you're not a leader, you're a servant.


If you're failing with women in your life, chances are you fall into one or more of the above categories.  Whichever category you fall into, it is important to balance the various parts of your life.  Most importantly, your fears (whatever they may be) are bleeding out of your pores whenever you interact with women.  It is that unattractive aura that women instinctively pick up on that is causing you to experience so much frustration.  You can't run from them.  They always catch up to you.

Stop being stubborn and start taking an honest account of your mental and emotional inventory.  One of the most attractive traits a man can possess is his ability to have the humility to admit when something isn't working and the courage to make the necessary changes.

Irony and Hypocrisy

One thing that unattractive men and unattractive women have in common is their complete and utter blindness to their own hypocrisies. 

Click on the chart below for a larger view:

Asking a woman out on a date

This is actually one of the easiest and simplest thing that men should be able to do.  Yet, out of all the questions posed by clueless, fearful men this one gets probably asked the most.

So since some men like to mentally masturbate through their dating life, which ironically leads to more actual masturbation....here is a nice, technical flowchart to answer one of the most often asked questions.

Click on the chart below for a larger view:

Trust

*Chances are, if you're reading this article, then you might want to read this first: Knowing When To Walk Away and then ask yourself honestly if your girlfriend or wife is displaying any of the behaviors listed there.

The word "Trust" is often misused when it comes to men and women dynamics. Most experts will tell you that trust is the cornerstone of a good relationship but they rarely address what conditions need to be present before that trust can and should be given.  People trust their partners all the time and get burned.  I think those people will tell you that simply giving your trust to someone has very little to do with the actual outcome of your relationship. 

The purpose of this post is to identify when a man can fully trust a woman. 

As a man, how do you know when to trust a woman? “Trust” meaning to make a commitment to her and know that she will have your best interest at heart when she makes decisions. 

A man needs to have standards; women won’t respect you if you don’t. However, no one can tell you what those exact standards are as this is something only you can build through experience in dating.  You have to know what kind of woman you want to share your life with long term.

Whatever standards you choose to live by, if you want to trust that a woman will do right by you and your relationship, I believe it must be comprise of the following 3 criteria:

Character: A woman’s character is by far the most important of the 3 criteria, although this is the one area that is discussed the least. If a woman doesn’t have good character, the other 2 points below won’t matter. What you consider “good character” may slightly differ depending on your upbringing but I think for the most part we can all agree on the following:

a. Loyal

b. Supportive

c. Doesn't constantly seek attention from men

d. Considerate and thinks about your needs before her own

e. Loving and sweet natured

f. Family oriented

g. Empathetic and Sympathetic

h. Not materialistic

i. Demonstrates a sound set of morals and values

If you have a woman that embodies these characteristics then you have a very good foundation with which to build a healthy and loving relationship.  While there may be other character traits that are important to you, these are the minimum ones that are necessary before you can consider trusting a woman fully.


Happiness: This is the area that most therapist, counselors, and every article on the web likes to focus on. The general consensus is that if a woman is emotionally, mentally, and physically happy in your relationship then she won’t want to put herself in a position to have an affair.  That assumption is only partly true as it also depends heavily on her character and morals.

Criteria for happiness may differ slightly from woman to woman depending on her expectations but I believe that in general the following aspects are necessary for a woman to feel satisfied in her relationship:

a. She respects you and looks to you as the leader of the relationship.

b. You make her feel loved and protected.

c. Your sex life together is active and exciting.

d. You don’t get complacent and let yourself go physically or in the way you present yourself when you’re out in public.

e. You don’t let the relationship become boring. You still "date" her.

f. You don’t let yourself become boring. You are still constantly learning new things, taking up new hobbies, and improving yourself in general

g. You still stay attractive to women in general which makes her proud that she is with you.

h. You are a rock in the storm. You know when to just listen and when to step in and take care of a problem.

In other words you ask yourself from time to time, "If I met her today, would she still want to date me?"

Women will always have something to complain about in a relationship, even if deep down inside they know they are very lucky. They need something to bring to the table when they get together with their girlfriends for dinner. It’s really like a sport to them! But in general if the above areas are fulfilled, a woman won’t do anything to put her relationship in jeopardy.


Circumstance:  This is the area that most men will focus on the most. Circumstance is essentially opportunity. The following are the most common factors that have no place in a respectful, healthy relationship:

a. She spends a lot of time one-on-one time with male colleagues/friends.

b. She goes to clubs/bars and dresses and behaves as if she is still single.

c. She takes girls' weekend trips to places that are known for hooking up such as Vegas or Miami.

d. She keeps in contact with her ex-boyfriends.

If you allow her to consistently put herself in these circumstances, then it will be no surprise that eventually she'll cheat on you.  It's not about morals or ethics at this point, it's about human nature.  As the old saying goes, "If you hang out a barber shop long enough, you'll eventually get a haircut". 

However, while it's easy to focus on just "Circumstances", it is a common mistake to not take the previous 2 factors into consideration.  If you only focus on this area it can end up causing other issues in your relationship.  You cannot get into a mindset where you won't allow her to go anywhere or do anything without you.  If you do then it will cause her to feel distrusted, accused, unappreciated, and will create a resentment that will be equally as damaging to your relationship. 

Part of happiness for a woman is that she feels valued and bonded with her partner.  If she is constantly under a microscope then you'll end up pushing her away from your relationship, which of course defeats the entire purpose of having standards.


Scenarios

Here are 3 of the more common scenarios where the advice, "You just have to trust her" has zero impact or usefulness:

1. Bad Character, Happy In The Relationship, Controlled Circumstances

This scenario happens to a lot of men who are desperate and will take whoever comes along; unfortunately often times this involves women with bad character. The women in this scenario will usually be one of the 4 types of women who will date nice guys. In this situation a man will bend over backwards to make sure she is happy. He'll do pretty much anything she wants in order to keep her in the relationship. He'll also be very vigilant in where she goes, but that won't make a difference because women of bad character will always find a way to get involved with other men.

In this case, all the advice in the world about making sure your woman is "happy in the relationship" won't make a bit of difference.

 
2. Good Character, Not Happy In The Relationship, Seeking Circumstances

This scenario is probably the most unfortunate because it started off on the right path with the man choosing wisely.  In all likelihood, this relationship should have been able to go the distance.

This is also the most common scenario as it is easy for men to start taking women for granted, getting complacent, and in general stop paying attention to the health of the relationship.

If a woman is unhappy she will gradually put herself in situations that will lead to affairs. If she has good character then it'll take awhile but no human being can stay miserable indefinitely. This is when the common workplace affairs happen or she starts to talk to an ex-boyfriend because she is so unhappy in her relationship.  This is also when a lot of emotional affairs on social media can occur. She is consciously or subconsciously looking to feel wanted, loved, and alive.

In this case the man is so blind that he won't even notice that she is drifting away because he hasn't been paying attention for a long time, which was the root cause of this scenario in the first place.  This is the only scenario where the many articles in women's magazines and on the web have any validity; if she is happy then she won't stray on you.

3. Good Character, Happy In The Relationship, Opportunistic Circumstances

This scenario is the easiest of the three.  You've got a great woman and she's happy.  Now you just have to have the courage to draw fair and appropriate boundaries.  Unfortunately men today are afraid to put their foot down and stand up for themselves.  Men are taught to put their own needs and self worth aside and are made to feel bad if they draw a line in the sand.  They are told they are jealous, controlling, and insecure.  So therefore they suffer silently and let their wife or girlfriend put themselves in situations where infidelity can easily happen.

A woman with good character won't seek out to have an affair on purpose, especially if she is happy. The affair will always start off innocently enough and often times you'll hear women explain that "they didn't mean for it to happen".  Most women today were raised in a time when behaving as if you're single while still enjoying the benefits of a stable and loving relationship is the norm. This doesn't mean that all women are cold hearted users, as a lot of angry, frustrated men like to say.  In fact, I believe a lot women have very good character but they also have developed very bad habits.

In this case it is very important that you establish boundaries that you feel are respectful for you and your relationship.  You have the right to say, "I don't feel what you're doing is appropriate and I won't tolerate this type of behavior in a relationship".  If you've picked a woman with good character and you've done your part in making sure she is happy in the relationship, she'll clearly see that you are trying to proactively keep the health of your relationship strong.

If a woman cannot abide by fair and reasonable standards of behavior then either you shouldn't be with her or she most likely falls under the first scenario above.


I'll be the first to admit that being involved in this field for as long as I have and seeing some of the atrocities that people do to one another has negatively affected my own ability to trust completely.  However, I will now be the first to tell you that it is vital to the bond of your relationship that you have a healthy amount of "Trust" for each other.

Summary

- If you want to have healthy, loving, long term relationships you must first and foremost pick women who possess good character.  You don't have anything if you don't have that. 

- It is your responsibility to ensure that she is loved, protected, and happy in your relationship.  Don't get lazy.  

- You must have a standard of behavior that you believe in and that you share with her. Don't be afraid to stand up for your boundaries.

If you have these ideals in place, then you can fully trust that no matter what challenges life brings to your relationship, she will stand by you and with you through it all.