Online Dating

One of the most common questions that men ask is, "Should I try online dating?"  Everyone knows a friend's cousin's sister's co-worker's niece who found true love on Match.com and therefore it must work!

Many moons ago when online dating first started and Match.com was the only game in town, I told men right away that online dating is a complete waste of time and energy. Same with speed dating in any form (which also gained popularity around that time) or any quirky dating events that is design to get people together. My reasoning back then in 1995 is the same reason I'll share today:

People (especially men) come to online dating as a final front tier...almost as a last resort. When boys and girls are growing up, they don't think, "Gosh, one day I hope my profile will match perfectly with another profile and our profile photos will lock eyes".

Online dating is for people who haven't had much success out in the real world....a "I guess I have nothing to lose" mentality. Now, generally speaking if someone doesn't have success in real life, there is something wrong with them. For women its most likely physical (hence why so many fake or old photos online) and/or a drama-filled life that chases men away. For men we've outlined the various reasons why here on this blog: Fear and Common Myths.

So men will resort to online dating because they somehow think women will fall in love with their personality. Of course what is really happening is they're avoiding working on being able to conversate with women, display attractive qualities, dress better, workout, overcome fear, understand how to lead and seduce, etc. etc. Now EVEN IF....EVEN IF....they can somehow hook a woman via email and go on a date or two....guess what happens when they meet in person? ALL that stuff that the guy hasn't work on will still kill it for him.

Same with women; they think if a man falls for her personality, that when they meet, maybe her being 50 lbs. overweight won't matter. Well you guys tell me....does it matter?  Of course it does, so why do you think a woman will overlook all the shortcomings that you haven't worked on just because she met you online?

So all online dating does is delay the inevitable; even if you could buy a little time, all the stuff that you haven't worked on, that forced you into online dating in the first place, will still come back to bite you when you meet in person. The best example I now use is that show on NBC called, "The Voice".

For those who have never watched the show, the concept is simple: 4 superstar coaches sits in a chair and it's turned away from the stage. The coaches don't see the artist but only hear their voice. If they like what they hear, they hit a button which turn their chairs and the artists gets selected. The idea is that looks don't matter...only your voice does.

But here is the problem - there comes a time when after the coaches narrows down their team, that America votes and then eventually a champion is crowned. The Voice has been on for 4 seasons now and nearly every one of the top 20 contestants in each season are all attractive. No one is fat, no one is dorky, everyone has a unique style.

The point is, all those other people who complained that they never got a shot because the music industry cares about their looks and not just their voice believed that the show The Voice is different. It's only different for a brief time...all it does is delay the inevitable. Once the buying public sees them, they won't get enough votes to stay on the show and they'll go back to obscurity, which supports the reason why record companies never gave them a shot to begin with because they knew these artists wouldn't have a big enough general appeal.

In dating...in business...in entertainment...in life - everything matters. And when you think you've found a short cut to avoid the pain of improving yourself, it's simply fool's gold and all you're doing is delaying the inevitable.

General rule of thumb: If you're successful at online dating, then most likely you won't need it. If you need it, then most likely you won't be successful at it.